Finding Thin

Taking Another Road

2009-11-29T10:28:00.000-06:00

It's hard to believe that it's been almost a year since I started this journey.

At first it was fun- imagining myself thin and fit by summer's end.

Then it became difficult and wearisome as I fought the cravings and

the pressure to live up to my goal.

I am in the same place I was in January.

Oh, sure, three or four pounds were shed.

But then they returned.

Bigger and better than ever.

And more determined never to

leave my side again.

Looking back, I know the mistakes I made.

I still feel the depression-

the agony of defeat-

I still wonder how I wandered so far

beyond the path I had set for myself.

I am not proud of the choices I made.

Because that is just what they were.

My choices.

I failed to focus.

To take it all seriously.

To realize how quickly one year flies by.

I am so happy that you came here to follow me.

That you held my hand along the way

and forced me to talk about it.

Thank you all.

But this will be my last entry

in my Finding Thin diary.

It was an experiment in self improvement-

and I suppose it was not a complete failure

if I can step back and see where I need to change.

I believe that diet must coincide

with all other aspects of your life.

If your housework is piling up

and your kids are demanding of you

and your spirits are down-

well, that donut tastes pretty durn good!

But, if you have all other aspects

of your life in order-

if you focus on your life as a whole-

then the weight loss will be as natural

as waking up every morning.

And each day will be easier.

It will all fall into place.

That's why I am making another attempt

at achieving my goals.

Starting January 4th, I will be writing

my new blog titled

Ten in '10.

A daily diary of my attempts to improve and nurture

ten important areas of my life in 2010.

Hopefully, I will become a better person in every way.

Join me.

Let's do it together.

After all, we have nothing to lose...

Hello...It's Me

2009-11-02T12:00:00.002-06:00

The year winds down
to a thin silhouette-
and sadly, I haven't.

I'm no better off than I was
last January when I
truly believed that
the weight would
melt like the snow.

I'm a hibernating bear.
A fat cocoon.
A menopausal mama
with multiple chins.

I have told myself
that I will try
a small scale goal.

No sweets till Thanksgiving day.

So- goodbye Halloween candy,
cupcakes and goodies.

I must do this thing!!
I'm losing a part of myself
under this garbage.

I want to be me again.

Tricks and Treats

2009-10-06T14:07:00.006-05:00

This weekend my sister
reminded me that
I hadn't posted to my
diet blog as promised.

I guess that October came up
on me so quickly.

Or maybe I just couldn't
bear to write another blog entry
about the struggles of
losing weight.

...About the race
that I am running every single day.

...About how the scenery is always
the same-
the promises are always made...
the intentions are always good...
but I never seem to get past
the first bend in the road.

I dread to think of winter.
Of the subconscious packing on
of weight for warmth.
Of stews and gravies
and holiday sweets.
Of telling myself
just to wait and start again
in January.

But yet-
winter brings that wonderful
chance to hide beneath
bulky sweaters
and thick sweatshirts-
and hide my wings
under long sleeves
and my belly under a coat.

I haven't given up completely.
There are days when I logically
choose a banana over a muffin
or pass on seconds and drink another
glass of water.
Days when I decide to park quite
a distance from the WalMart sign
and walk for exercise.
Or skip dinner and just
eat a salad.
Sometimes I'll trick myself
and avoid the treats.

I still have visions
of what I want to look like.
And how I want to feel.
Of what kind of reaction I
hope to get from those
who love me.

But it seems like a dream.
Like a scene in a horror movie.
I keep running and running
and can't ever reach the safety
of that vision.

I search and search
and try and try
and I can't ever
find thin.

Baby Steps. No- Wait. Snail Steps.

2009-09-01T05:03:00.003-05:00

It's another new month again.

I'm sitting here on this
chilly September morning,
sipping hot coffee
and wondering how so much
time has passed
and so little has been done.

I imagined Thanksgiving
and Christmas in my mind...
The slim new me-
the grace and agility of which I moved-
right past the pecan pie
and on to the vegetable platter...
The healthy way I looked...
bright eyes, shiny hair, rosey completion...

Today my eyes are sallow-
my hair dull, my skin a puffy mix
of too much salt and too little sleep.

I keep trying to think of my
own advice.

Baby steps.
Hope.
Belief.
Structure.

On the bright side,
I have lost two pounds
and one inch this month.

Yea, I know-
nothing to break out the confetti for.

But, it's a new starting place.
A new marker.
Another reason not to
give up all together.

I'm still hoping that red sweater
will look fabulous on New Years Eve.

But enough about me-
How are all of you doing?

Fixing Fat

2009-07-31T05:15:00.003-05:00

Well, the past week
has not been any easier than
the 200 days that came before it.

I'm still struggling,
but I do feel more aware
of my food choices.
I'm making an extra effort
to avoid sweets
and pastas
and I'm pushing myself a little
harder at Curves.

My oldest daughter has always
worn larger sizes than me,
but yesterday I accompanied her
into the dressing room
while she shopped for new jeans.

Her newly shaped body looked
terrific!

And I couldn't help but notice
that frumpy fat woman
in the mirror
who looked old and worn
and teetering on
the point of no return.

I tried to comfort myself
by reaffirming the fact that
you can't fix "old".

But you can fix "fat".

And,
that is just what I'm
going to continue
trying to do.

I'll be back here the first of
September-
hopefully with a better attitude
and a spark of hope.

Keep it up, girls.

It will all be worth it
in the end.

The Show Must Go On....

2009-07-24T06:04:00.004-05:00

There is so much to say.
Yet, there is nothing to say.

You would think that with
200 days to do it-
I could have said it all,
done it all-
finished this journey
with head held high
(and smaller sized clothes).

Back in January,
I honestly thought that I'd
be able to pat myself on the back
come July.
I thought that this would be my
day of celebration and rewards-
of hugging you all
and giving high-fives all around.

I never thought the journey
would be easy.
But I thought it would
be possible.

I still think that.

I just wasn't propelled.
I wasn't strict enough-
I didn't stay the course-
I didn't avoid the pitfalls-
(or ignore the donuts!).

But this journey has not been in vain.

Along the way, I've met
some great friends.
Knowing you have been there
rooting for me every day
has been a blessing to me-
and I thank you all-
whomever you may be.

And, if you have met with success-
let me be the first to congratulate you
on a job well done.
You look amazing!

As a result of this journey,
I may not have Found Thin-
but I found a part of myself along the way.

I've also found that it's better to have a plan
and not just set sail into the darkness.
Write it down.
Do it.
Follow it.
Live it.

(And don't wait till Monday!)

I've found that it's okay to laugh
at yourself-
But it's also okay to cry, too.

I've found that heavy people
can still be happy.
They can still dance,
and sing,
and make love.
They can still be somebody.
The only thing holding them back
is themselves.
(Or a size 44 bra!)

I've realized that Hollywood
is full of a bunch of
starving bitches
who don't deserve my time
or attention.

I've realized you can't hide
a candy bar for very long-
Because you might forget
what day you gave birth
to your first child-
but you will never, ever,
forget where you hid
that candy bar.

I've realized that One Cup
does not mean a coffee mug
filled to the top,
or an ounce doesn't mean
whatever will fit in a taco.

I've realized that
the scale is my friend
and not the enemy.
It is truthful,
does not criticize,
and is always there
waiting for me each morning.

I've realized there are some people
that are always gonna love you-
no matter what size you are.
And there are people that will
never love you-
no matter how thin you are.

I've realized that forward
is the only direction.
It does no good to look back.
To say what was-
what could have been-
past weight and old clothes
and days that are no more...

It is a new day.
A new life.
A new journey.

I have come to realize
that each and every day of life
is a commitment.
To God,
our spouses,
and ourselves.

We must not forget
that it is up to us
to fortify and strengthen
these commitments.
They do not exist without us.
They will not survive
if we do not nurture and direct them.

We must stand firm,
yet tread gently.
We must love ourselves
no matter the circumstances.
We must always hold our heads high
(and never compare ourselves
to Angelina Jolie!)

I've found out that a diet
is just a tool.
And you have to use it properly
or it doesn't work.

I've found out that a diet
is a vehicle.
It will take you where you
want to go-
if you provide the proper fuel.
Too much grease and fat
will put you in the repair shop
down in Fat Town
and your journey will be delayed.

I've discovered that good intentions
are never enough-
Actions speak louder than words.
And no-fat cottage cheese
tastes like paper pulp.

I have decided that I will
start a new journey.
The first day of every month,
I will post my progress
right here on this blog.

I'd like you all to comment with
your progress, your stories-
your commitment.

So-
it's not over.
It has just begun.

Thank you for all your
support and prayers
and slaps on the hand.

I'm still here for you, too.

The new ship sails on August 1st.
Come see me if you want to ride along.

Love, Peace, and Rice Cakes!
Rae

The End Is In Sight

2009-07-23T06:10:00.004-05:00

What once seemed like a lifetime
now unfolds into mere hours-
and my 200 day deadline
is almost a shadow on my wall.

It's about to pass me up
and fade into darkness.

I feel like I'm on a big ship
with all of you.

It's been fun.

We've shared everything from
cellulite
to saggy butts.

We've started and stopped.
And started.
And stopped.
And started.

We've learned-
and grown-
and realized that we must
humor ourselves in order
to accept ourselves.

We've weathered stormy seas
and felt the sunshine on our faces.

We've laughed.
And cried.
And cursed the bathroom scale.

We've cheated.
And lied.
And tried harder than we thought possible.

...And found a little bit of ourselves in the process.

The ship is about to anchor.
The 200 day tour is almost over.

Some of you probably
got out at the last port-
stunningly smart in your
new thin bodies-
no longer needing a lifesaver
to keep you afloat-
no longer needing a captain
because you've learned to steer
away from bad habits.

It's sad for me.
I feel like I'm going down with the ship.

And saying goodbye
is almost harder than
saying I failed.

But-
Hey-
I do have till midnight tomorrow!

I believe in miracles.
I believe in the strength of dreams.
I believe that good things take time.
I believe that another ship
will come along soon
and the trip will be easier.

But today I feel like Gilligan.
Like I've screwed up so many times
that I'll never make it home.

Meditation As Medication

2009-07-22T06:42:00.002-05:00

One of my very kind followers,
(hostagirl), commented yesterday
that she remembers what is was like
to be thin.

I do, too.

I remember how it was easy
to tie shoes,
pick green beans,
run with the kids
and feel good naked.

I remember what is was like
to have clothes that fit,
that look good
and that get compliments.

I remember what it was like
to only have to worry about my hair-
and not what was going on
below the neckline.

I remember being thin
and feeling like nothing
in the world could stop me
from my dreams.

Being heavy
clouds those dreams.
Makes a person feel inferior,
clumsy, slow and unintelligent.

Being heavy puts limits on your
actions, activities, attitude
and aspirations.

It is a matter of mind set.
I still believe that.

If you haven't convinced your brain
-(or your heart)-
that it's finally time to lose weight,
then you will certainly fail.

So, let me say this.

Today-
don't just exercise your body-
exercise your mind.

Go to a quiet place.
Relax.
Close your eyes...

And remember
what it was like to be thin.....

Thanks, hostagirl.

Another New Diet Do

2009-07-21T06:45:00.002-05:00

I've blogged before about
your sense of smell having
a great impact on weight loss.

Well, I just ran across a
new product that professes
to be an innovative weight loss solution.

I'm just going to paste the article here
for your dieting enjoyment.
Let me know if it works for you!

New Food Sprinkle Convinces the Brain to Stop Over-Eating
A California Company has recently launched an interesting new product which may signal a major breakthrough in weight loss. The company, Sensa, www.Sensa.com, came up with an innovative way to convince the brain to stop overeating.

First the theory behind the product. The obvious fact is that we eat too much. But why? It turns out that's the way our brains are programmed. Throughout our evolutionary history, food has been scarce, so in order to ensure survival, humans have been conditioned to eat as much as they can whenever food is available. Unfortunately, when food is abundant and rich in calories, as it is today, the results can be ugly.

Enter Dr. Alan Hirsch, an intrepid doctor and scientist, whose lifelong specialty has been understanding how our senses, and in particular, smell and taste affect the brain's functioning. Dr. Hirsch noticed that many patients who had lost their sense of smell and taste due to illness or accident experienced rapid weight gain. Certain smells and tastes seemed to be acting on the brain to control the appetite.

Dr Hirsch studied hundreds of compounds and after years of research developed a set of virtually odorless and tasteless food sprinkles that have shown a strong impact on the body's appetite-control center, which he called "Tastants". Then, in one of the largest studies of a non-prescription weight-loss system, these Tastants were tested for effectiveness as a means of weight loss.

The results were significant. Over a 6 month period, 1,436 women and men sprinkled, flavorless "Tastant" crystals on everything they ate, and lost an average of 30.5 pounds - nearly 15% of their total body weight.

Participants achieved these results without having to follow any special exercise regime or diet.

Best of all, because it is tasteless and odorless and contains no stimulants and does not directly interact with the digestive system, there are no unpleasant side-effects. None of the horror stories associated with "fat-blockers" or stimulant based weight loss systems.

According to Dr Hirsch, "With Sensa, you can eat all the foods that satisfy your senses and you don't have to deal with any intense food cravings or feelings of starvation. Sensa merely helps you eat less of the foods you love and gain greater satisfaction from smaller portions."

A flavorless, odorless sprinkle that triggers this type of weight loss - too good to be true? Apparently the company anticipated a somewhat skeptical response from consumers, jaded by a weight loss industry spread thick with misleading claims. For that reason, they have introduced the product through a special Free Trial Offer that lets you try it before paying for it. You can learn more at TrySensa.com

Better Late Than Never

2009-07-20T07:07:00.002-05:00

I swear I'll be good this week.

I'll count whatever I need to count-
ignore everything I need to ignore,
and forget everything I need to forget.

I'm on a mission.

A little, late, really.

I can see the finish line
on the horizon and I'm not
breathing any easier
or losing my jogging pants yet.

I fantasized about sliding into home
as a real winner.

I have that wedding on Saturday.
Now every family member that
reads this blog is gonna
have some great gossip.

Ha! Ha!
Don't think she Found Thin!

Well, let's just say
I didn't find it in 200 days.
It's going to take a bit longer.

Still got till the end of the week, folks.

Stay with me.

Inches vs. Pounds

2009-07-17T06:30:00.003-05:00

While I was huffing and puffing
like the Big Bad Wolf
through my Curves routine
the other day,
I happened to mention the
always-dreaded bathroom scale.

And about that time,
our fantastic Curves leader
overheard me
and suggested that
I throw that scale away!

I am losing inches!
What do pounds matter?

And I am getting stronger every day!

Yes, it got me to thinking
how that might come into play
during my everyday life.

...I'm visiting the Empire State Building...
A railing breaks...I plummet down two stories
where I finally reach for a flag pole...I cling there
above the bustling city...100 stories high...for hours.
But, hey- if it wasn't for Curves, my grip would
have failed in the first 15 seconds!

...I'm traveling the back roads of America...
I reach a desolate, remote area and have to cross
a bridge...There's a load limit.
My weight would be too much for the structure,
but my inches are fine.
What should I do?.....

Don't get me wrong-
I love Curves
and I love the fact that
I've actually lost inches,
but, let's face it.

The scale does matter.

To say the scale doesn't matter
is like saying your hair doesn't matter
when you're dressing for the day.
It's like saying cheese doesn't matter
as long as you have pizza sauce.

To me, they coincide.
They work together
to build a better me.

I do hate the scale,
but it does tell the truth-
and even if it's an ugly truth,
I'm willing to take it.

Inches.
Strength.
Pounds.

Does it matter?

Yes!

I mean, a 500 pound
Popeye is still gonna be unattractive.

Countdown......

2009-07-16T05:55:00.003-05:00

I don't think a single day has gone by
since I started this journey,
that I didn't kick myself.

For cheating, miscalculating,
purging, scarfing, nibbling,
hoarding,
and shoveling.

Pretty good reason
for a swift foot to the rear, I'd say.

Yet, every single morning
has been a clean slate.

Why did I dirty it up?
Why did I stray? Go wild?
Why did I forget the importance of
my journey?

Goal day is in a week and one day.
How much do you think I can lose
before then?

It's sure going to be embarrassing
to admit my experiment failed.
To say I lost my way-
even when I had a compass
and a map
and a book of instructions.

Even when I had all of you
to travel with me.

Here, kick my butt.

Right now I really need it.

The finish line is in sight.
Hold tight....

Veeta Vita Vegemin

2009-07-15T07:26:00.003-05:00

I remember my mom lining all
of us kids up by the fridge
while she measured out teaspoons
of thick, yellow liquid vitamins
so that we would grow up big and strong.

I suppose that vitamins are
a good idea.
Especially for those young picky eaters
that enjoy sweets at every meal
or refuse their daily dose
of healthy vegetables.

I go through phases with my vitamins.
The only time I took them consistently
is when I was pregnant with my children.

Since then, I'll get on a rant
and see a big bottle of healthy-looking
capsules on the store shelf
and promise myself I'll take them
until they're gone.

I couldn't count the number of bottles
I've thrown out that were past their
expiration date-
most a coagulated mass of melted pills
or a dried up powder of unidentifiable
something-or-other.

I'm still waiting for that sci-fi vitamin
shaped like a rocket ship that
makes you feel full and takes the place of
actual food.
If I didn't have to go to the grocery store,
I wouldn't be exposed to all the wonders
of a modern bakery or
all the little goodies they tempt you with
on your weekly food tour.

I could probably save a lot of money.

I purchased a big bottle of calcium tablets
a month or so ago,
promising my son that I would
take them religiously-
calming his fears about a crooked backed mom
with osteoporosis.

I choked on those horse pills
for three days
until I decided to put them away
with the other discarded vitamins
in my crowded medicine cabinet.

In my opinion, vitamins
probably don't work well anyway.
Mom wanted us big and strong.

Big took.
Strong didn't.

But- hey- supplement your diet
if you're not getting proper portions
or a good variety of healthy choices.
It couldn't hurt.

In Diet Land,
anything that helps
is fair game.

Dressing Room Discrimination

2009-07-14T06:07:00.003-05:00

I guess I'm going to have to
push my chair away from the
computer,
roll up my sleeves,
and become a fashion designer
for the body-challenged,
middle-aged,
a little-on-the-doughy side
women of the world.

I've been shopping for an outfit
to wear to my nephew's wedding.
Years ago it wasn't a matter of
searching for the clothes-
it was finding the money.

Now I've got the funding,
but all I can find is gorgeous outfits
that only come in single digit sizes,
or horrid, stretchy grandma-gear
that claims to be one size fits most-
which is a big fat lie.

All the new tops make me look pregnant-
the pants make me look like I'm
hiding ten pound bags of potting soil on each thigh,
and the shoes make me look
like a hippo on stilts.

Needless to say,
shopping is a depressing past time
and I've had it up to my double
(Okay... Triple)
chin with this nonsense!!

Here are a few things I'd like
the fashion world to know:

1. Just because it's Plus Size, doesn't
mean it has to be black, elastic, and
printed with flamingos.

2. Use a universal pattern.
I don't want to have to try on
everything from Large to ThreeX.
I want to know my size and enter the
store confidently.

3. Don't ever tell me again that
Jennifer Hudson is a size 6.

4. Segregate the dressing rooms.
I don't want a man, a skinny girl,
or a runway model sharing my
three way mirror.

5. Don't ask the whole freakin' store
to help me find the XXL section.

6. Just because I'm heavy
doesn't mean I don't like sexy underwear,
delicate bras,
and really cool pajamas.

7. Humor me. Like I've said before-
if my food can't be fun, then
something should ne!

8. Look at me like I'm another unique person
that is purchasing clothes-
not a slob with extra cellulite.

9. Don't trick me with
slenderizing mirrors.
Believe me, I know the difference.

10. Help!

Wish me luck.
My search continues.....

It's Not Just A Road Trip

2009-07-10T05:41:00.003-05:00

I love what my sister Jewel
said yesterday in her comment.

We aren't on this journey for 200 days.
We are on this journey for life.

And it is so true.
Diets never end.

Even when you shed those pounds
and look like a ravishing doll-
the past will creep up on you
if you ever get lazy again.

Making wise choices
is something we all must do
forever.

Eating healthy is
something we must learn-
just like driving a car.

We aren't reckless with
our vehicles-
so why do we crash our diets?

Why do we head down that same old road
that gets no results?

(And why is my GPS set on Dunkin' Donuts?)

This is not just a road trip-
it is a journey of forever.

Every day is still full of baby steps.
Challenges.
Temptations.

Let's steer the right direction
for a while
and see where it leads us.

I'll Need A XXL Name Tag, Please

2009-07-09T06:34:00.003-05:00

I have a class reunion coming up
in October.

You think that would be
incentive enough
to get with the program
and shed some pounds.

Especially since there is
nothing about me
that looks the same
as my Senior picture.

I got to looking at
myself in the mirror....

Shorter hair,
more wrinkled face,
thinning lips.
age spots,
flabby arms,
a giant bi-donk-i-donk,
spreading hips,
a 25 year old post-baby belly
and cankles.

There will be those women
who dieted
and exercised
and treated themselves
to professional hair jobs,
manicures,
pedicures,
and relaxing vacations.

And they will look like
a million dollars.

Oh, hell!
I know I can't go now!

I've had almost 200 days-
200 tries-
200 start-overs-
and 2 million excuses.

(Sigh................)

Nothing But The Truth

2009-07-08T06:27:00.003-05:00

One of the worst things
about being overweight
(besides the sleep apnea,
giant cellulite,
varicose veins,
and granny underwear),
is I can never find anything
to wear.

And I'm not talking for a
special event or holiday.
I'm talking about getting
out of bed and getting
dressed for a regular day at home.

Yesterday I tried on four
different tops
because I had to go to the
grocery store.

First one:
Too tight.
Second one:
Too short
Third one:
Too much cleavage
Forth one:
A big honkin' grease stain on the front.

I pulled my hair out
and stood in the closet
for what seemed like days-
just staring at an assortment
of clothing that
was too small, all wrong,
or just bad taste.

I got down on my knees
right then
and prayed that Stacy and Clinton
from TLC's What Not To Wear
would suddenly appear
in my living room
with a Visa card
and a cure for my
belly fat.

No one came.

So I just strapped on
an old football jersey,
some stretch pants
and flip flops
and went out into
this unfair old world.

A few years ago
I wouldn't have been caught dead
in that nerdy outfit.
I wouldn't have even wore it
in the garden.

But-
times change.
It's all about adapting.

And it's all about knowing
not to wear a butterfly suit
when you're a two ton gorilla.

I'm still on the wagon
but it's stuck
in a fashion nightmare
on Loser Street.

16 days to go.

Help!

Me And My Shadow

2009-07-07T06:02:00.002-05:00

Sometimes my weight seems like
a bigger power than me.
Like a burden that
will never cease-
a heavy fog
that will never lift-
a part of me
that can never be detached.

I've spent the past six months
trying to get control-
to overpower the cravings-
the temptations-
the excuses
and the struggles.

And I still have giant
strides to makes
and miles to go
before I am a winner.

Funny thing I've learned is-
Life gets in the way
of a diet.
We don't get the luxury
of a fat farm
or a personal trainer
or a dietitian.

We are left to our own devices.
We still clean house
and pay bills
and raise children
and cook
and sleep
and play
and eat.

We are still responsible
for all that revolves
around us.
And somehow-
sadly-
a diet is always the last thing
on the list-
the first event pushed to
the back burner-
the one thing we
continually procrastinate over
and cry about.

Our minds and hearts
know what's right.
We know how to lose weight-
We know what to eat and not eat-
How to exercise-
Be healthy-

But-
that fat person that lives within us
doesn't really want to leave.
That fat person hangs on
and on
till it gains total control
and it's too late to
remember the
person we were before.

I am sick of her.
This fat me.
The one that clings to my body
like a second skin.
Like a huge shadow
that never leaves.

Yet-
everyday I say I am ready
to wage war
and everyday
I become complacent
and lazy
and forgiving.

We have 17 days.

I'm still not giving up.

Have Fun!

2009-07-02T06:55:00.003-05:00

Whatever you do for the holidays-
do it fun!

And-( I guess I'm not such a
good motivator)-
if it means a slice of cake
or a good stiff drink-
then, by all means-
celebrate!

Just remember to do it
all in moderation.
And don't forget that our
trip of 200 days
will be closing soon
and the results
are on your own conscious.

Tell your family how much you
love them this weekend.
Make plans for more get togethers.
Take lots of pictures.

Someday you'll be glad you did.

And like I always tell my kids-
Be safe, but have fun!

See you back here on Monday!

My Bad

2009-07-01T05:48:00.003-05:00

The donut spoke.
I stopped to hear.
It's chocolate goodness
was loud and clear.
I knew it was wrong.
A diet sin.
If I tasted that donut-
I could not FIND THIN!

I turned my head.
I covered my ears.
I forced myself
through all my tears.
I ran away
to watch TV.
But that donut would not stop
bugging me.

I took a peek
into the box
And knew that's why
I must detox
and rid my system of sweets-
and then-
There is a chance
I will FIND THIN!

I touched it's roundness-
it's sexy glaze...
and my heart pulsed-
I was in a daze.
Just a nibble?
Just one bite?
I knew it was wrong.
It just wasn't right.

But my mouth opened
and the donut went in.

Oh, help me, please!
I can't FIND THIN!!!!!

Silent Progress

2009-06-30T04:59:00.002-05:00

Today I make a suggestion.

If the weight isn't coming off
by diet alone- exercise!

A month at Curves had these results:

My daughter lost 9 LBS and 17 INCHES!!!
Wow! Yeah, Erin!

And, then,- (of course I blame it on old-lady
hormones and faulty metabolism for not
doing better)-
I came in losing a whopping 3 LBS
and 9.5 INCHES.

I feel good about it.

Even though it is a hassle
to go into town everyday-
find clothes to work out in-
sweat like a giant whale,
and be sore for days-
I know it's worth it.

Just wish I had started sooner-
not waited until my 200 day goal
was almost over.

But we've still got time
to make a difference.

Time To Weigh In

2009-06-29T06:41:00.002-05:00

My daughter and I joined Curves
a month ago
and later today we finally get
to see how much it has helped.

We weigh in and measure.

I'm thinking about asking if I
can weigh naked-
or maybe I'll get my haircut
before I go-
or fill up on some kind
of helium-induced bran
that will make me lighter.

A person can usually tell
when their pants feel bigger
or their skin is firmer.

Just between you and me-
I'm not feelin' it.

But, one thing I have learned
over the years is
that life is full of surprises.

I just hope that 30 minutes a day
and wearing blinders around
the cheesecake
has helped.

I'll let you know tomorrow.

Until then-
we have 25 days to go.

What other kind of blog
will I write
when this one is over?

A Few Days Off

2009-06-25T05:51:00.001-05:00

Due to family matters,
I won't be posting here
till next week.
Thanks for stopping by.

Success Story #1

2009-06-23T05:47:00.004-05:00

Just thought I'd share
a little note I received today.

Dear Rae,
I just hoff to tell you how perfectly
vondervul I veel since reading
your blog.
Yor inspiration haus
made me find thin!

Sincerely,
Arnold Schwarzenegger

And he enclosed a photograph:

The Heat Is On

2009-06-22T06:15:00.003-05:00

How is it that you can sweat
ten buckets of perspiration
and not lose a pound-
but one donut hole
slaps 12 ounces to your thighs?

Diets aren't fair.

I thought that working outside in 90+
degree heat and 100 percent humidity,
I might experience the same benefits
as spending the day in a sauna,
but-
no.

Not gonna happen.

All I lost was
the shine in my hair,
a favorite flip-flop,
and the lid to the
gas can.

I figured I could have
lost more weight
kicked back in my recliner
eating granola bars and
watching Cops
than I did killing myself
with a hoe and a weed eater.

Diets aren't fair.
Or fun.

But just like
bad hair
and pimples
and hot flashes
and husbands-
You just gotta live with 'em.

Make the best of it
and take it one day at a time.

I just wish someone
would have told me
that my plateau
was going to be 100 miles wide
and a 100 days long!

All of us here
are after the same thing.

Why is it so hard to find?

Take A Closer Look

2009-06-19T05:47:00.003-05:00

The whole problem with food is
that it tastes good.

And, most times, looks good, too.

But what if we could make it
less attractive and less tasty?

Maybe this will help.

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration
puts out a handbook every year
that establishes acceptable levels
of contaminants in food sources.

Craving spaghetti for dinner?

Well- here's the scoop on that:

MACARONI AND NOODLE PRODUCTS	Insect filth (AOAC 969.41)	Average of 225 insect fragments or more per 225 grams in 6 or more sub samples
	Rodent filth (AOAC 969.41)	Average of 4.5 rodent hairs or more per 225 grams in 6 or more sub samples

And how about topping that with some delicious mushrooms?

MUSHROOMS, CANNED AND DRIED	Insects (AOAC 967.24)	Average of over 20 or more maggots of any size per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid or 15 grams of dried mushrooms OR Average of 5 or more maggots 2 mm or longer per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid or 15 grams of dried mushrooms
	Mites (AOAC 967.24)	Average of 75 mites per 100 grams drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid or 15 grams of dried mushrooms
	Decomposition (MPM-V100)	Average of more than 10% of mushrooms are decomposed

Like it with lots of oregano?

OREGANO, GROUND	Insect filth Average of 1250 or more insect fragments per 10 grams
	Rodent filth Average of 5 or more rodent hairs per 10 grams

How about strawberries for dessert?

STRAWBERRIES: FROZEN WHOLE OR SLICED

Mold
(AOAC 952.22)
Average mold count of 45% or more and mold count of at least half of the subsamples is 55% or more

Lost your appetite?

Me, too!

Be A Cute Little Firecracker- Not A Blubbering Bomb

2009-06-18T06:01:00.003-05:00

Last year Americans consumed
150 million hot dogs.

And that was just on the Forth of July.

Add 23 million cases of beer.
Buns.
Potato salad
and apple pie.

No wonder we're all fat!

Hot dog (1 serving)=
242 calories
14.5 grams of fat
670 mg of sodium
18.0 carbs

Bun (1 serving)=
110 cal.
1.5 fat
210 sodium
21.0 carbs

Add 14 calories for pickle relish
and you end up with a
366 calorie sandwich.

Multiply that by the
normal three or four
that I consume while
watching fireworks-
and that's almost
1500 calories!

Not to mention potato salad,
chips, dip, pie, cake,
and bbq!

Ice cream, marshmallow salad,
pasta and macaroni salad,
Cole slaw,
banana pudding and hot wings!

So, this is just a head's up
for the upcoming holiday.

Have fun,
but don't overdo.
Remember the calorie count.
Fill up on ice water and veggies.
Choose fruit over pastry items.
Go easy on the beer.

Let's claim our Independence
from fattening foods.

Let's sparkle,
hold our heads up high,
and continue reaching for
our goals.

36 days to go....

Not By Chance

2009-06-17T05:02:00.002-05:00

As I've mentioned before,
I have been going to Curves
the past few weeks
in hopes that their modern-day
torture machines
will twist my doughy body
into a miracle of nature.

It's really difficult to tell yet
if the sweating, grunting,
screaming and crying
are worth it.

Another week
and they give me
my first report card.

I hope I lose more
than the delusion that I was
in pretty good shape.

But I guess something-
no matter how insignificant-
is better than nothing.

Anyhow...

After walking out the door
of Curves last evening,
I noticed that directly
across the street is
a foot doctor.

A podiatrist.
The sign claims to offer
advanced medical and surgical solutions.
Laser surgery, in office anesthesia,
Bunions. Hammertoes.
Heel Pain. Ingrown Nails.
And Warts.

I wondered for a moment if it
was a coincidence
that my feet have been killing me lately.

Then I realized that this wasn't
just fate that put the foot doctor
right next to Curves.

It was obviously planned.

Just like building Denny's
next to a hotel,
or a surf shop next to the ocean-
or souvenir stores all around
Disney World...

I think it was a mutual
marketing strategy-
You know-
"You rub my foot- I'll rub yours." type of thing.

How c-o-n-v-e-n-i -e- n- t....

Being a new Curves member and all-
I was limping like a three legged dog
out to my car-
feeling like a wind sock
in a hurricane-
wondering if I could will
my newly-found muscles
to drive away- fast.

Then I saw the most outrageous
marketing strategy of all time!

On the other side of doctor's office
is a funeral home!

At least I feel better now.

When the workouts get the best of me-
they can just throw me on a gurney
and wheel me across the street!

ThisThing Called Hope

2009-06-15T06:26:00.004-05:00

We are only weeks away from
the 200 day mark.

I had good intentions when starting
this journey
and was hoping that I might post
some fantastic before and after
photos towards the end.

I still have hope.

But this entire process
has only affirmed what I already knew-
Losing weight is hard.
You can't do it for someone else.
You can't do it halfway.
You can't lose focus.

You can't give up.

It has taught me not to judge others
so easily-
the smokers, drinkers, and
whatever vices that other people have.

We don't want to be heavy, unhealthy,
and uninspired.
We don't want to love chocolate,
fried chicken,
and salty chips.

But we do.

And the whole mechanics of a diet
is to make better eating choices.

That's where most of us fail.
We choose what our eyes want-
not what our minds tell us is right.

How have the days passed so quickly-
and my progress been so slow?

But-
I still have hope.
I will continue the fight-
even beyond my 200 days.

To Each His Own

2009-06-12T06:09:00.002-05:00

Women’s Health came up with a fun list of 100 wacky ways to burn 100 calories. I have posted 13- with my own commentary:

Slather on lip balm 765 times. (Then look like you just french kissed Mr. Petroleum Jelly)
Lip sync George Michael’s Faith 16 times. -I know not every bod-day, has gotta bod-day like you!” (This one's for you, Kari!)
Swing a lasso over your head 375 times. (And look like an idiot doing it).
Shear three sheep. (Seen any hanging around lately?)
Let a Great Dane walk you for 13 minutes at 5 mph. (Or a horse at 30mph)
Wash, halve, and seed two acorn squash, then watch them bake for 30 minutes. (Fun times...)
Walk backward in the park for 43 minutes. ( Hit tree. Get ran over by bus. End of diet).
Sing the Grease original soundtrack from start to finish. (Olivia Newton John, I aint!)
E-mail for 68 minutes. (Do chain letters count?)
Stay up on a unicycle for 20 minutes. (My record is 1/3 second.)
Sleep in for an hour and 53 minutes. (I can do this!)
Floss and gargle with Listerine after each brushing. (Good if you do it 3X a day).
Show off your bowling skills for 34 minutes. (I usually clean the gutters!)

So- you see- there is more than just a treadmill and an exercise bike!
I will strive to do all the above, plus more.

But, I can't write this without adding
my personal all time favorite-

Runnin' with the Devil!
Yoo-Hoo!

Power Panties

2009-06-11T06:35:00.005-05:00

Until we all lose our extra pounds,
there are creative ways to disguise
what falls out, flops,
jiggles or rolls.

One such item
is the very popular Spanx.

Praised as an innovative
"power panty",
these undergarments
can shape, smooth,
and slim like magic.

Supposedly they can
make you look 2 to 10 pounds
thinner.
But get ready to shell out
$20 to $40 dollars.

And be ready to feel
like a giant rubber band.
Spanx are nothing more
than a glorified girdle.

I haven't tried them myself,
but my daughter wears a
cheap knock-off of the product and
it does wonders for her "muffin top".

I decided to check out the Spanx
website and was relieved that the
shapers were available in Plus Sizes.

Clicking on a photo of big sizes
gave me a wonderful feeling!
Maybe these Spanx people
have something here.
Perhaps there is hope!

The following is a photo for the Plus Size:

Good grief!
If they do that good a job
on a plus-size model-
I'd give a thousand
dollars a pair!

Give Me Another Cup O' Joe

2009-06-10T05:19:00.004-05:00

Day One-

BREAKFAST:

One hummingbird egg,
boiled with dash of Tabasco

Half a Melba toast round

Coffee

LUNCH

1 oz. slice of tofu
seasoned with herbs

1-Lettuce leaf

1-grape tomato, diced

1-baby pickle

Coffee

DINNER:

1 small cup turkey broth

Tb chopped carrot

2- grapes

3-oyster crackers

Coffee

SNACK:

Half a kiwi
or 2 blueberries

Coffee.

And to think my husband
doesn't understand my caffeine addiction!

Keep going girls-
the best is yet to be!

Sometimes You Just Gotta Break The Rules

2009-06-09T05:14:00.003-05:00

Sometimes when we diet,
our perspectives get all messed up.

We see with blinders on.
Our vision is limited.
We beat ourselves up over
portions and pieces
and PIE.

Sometimes when we diet,
we forget to live.

We focus so much on the
things we want to change,
that we often forget about
those things in our lives
that are perfect.

Like our children,
our spouses,
our homes and gardens
and the moonlit summer sky.

Sometimes we forget to breathe-
to let ourselves just be.
To relax and forget about
what pain awaits you at the gym tomorrow-
or how many calories in the snack you just had-
or if you're ever gonna be able to
slip into those jeans you've been saving.

Diets are so self-serving that
sometimes we tend to forget
there are other things in life besides
being thin.
We often forget to loosen up and laugh,
to pray,
to let nature take it's course.

I'm not saying "go off your diet"-
I'm just saying-
gain perspective-
don't be fanatical and obsessed-
be a person
and not a number on the scale.

If we died tomorrow-
what would it matter if
we lost 1/4 pound this week?
If tragedy struck-
who in the hell would care
if you were in a size 5?

I got some perspective back last night.
There were bad storms and
tornadoes in the area
and for a while it got pretty scary.

My husband looked over at me
as I cringed in my favorite chair-
staring out into the black sky.

"What's wrong honey? Everything's gonna be okay," he assured me, "You scared?"

"No", I said."I just got to thinking that if I knew I was going to get sucked up by a tornado tonight- I would have had that piece of chocolate cake that I passed up yesterday!"

Yes.
It's all perspective.
Sometimes you just gotta peep around
that wall of sensibility and strictness-
and fly free.

Trick Of The Day

2009-06-08T06:02:00.004-05:00

You would think that being on a diet
would mean that my refrigerator
is practically empty
and very clean.

Negative.

It is an embarrassing mix
of half-used salad dressings,
wilted lettuce,
spongy cucumbers,
spoiled milk,
and unopened cottage cheese.

Gotta get working on that
real soon.

I really need to minimize
my choices when I open that fridge.

I read somewhere that when you
have more variety,
you tend to eat more
without realizing it.

One study asked people to pour
what they perceived to be a
certain amount of candy into a bowl.

They poured more when the candy
was a variety of colors.
Less colors, the less candy poured.

It fooled the eye.

Understanding these visual tricks
can help you avoid over-consumption.

Same way with the old plate trick.
Put your meal on a smaller plate
and you can trick your brain into
thinking you have a huge meal.

So, take this bit of information
with you next time you visit a
smorgasbord.

And next time you buy M&M's-
go for the single colored ones!

I'll Huff And Puff

2009-06-05T06:53:00.002-05:00

Well, so far I've
been trudging to Curves
on a regular basis
and I keep crossing my fingers
that results will be forthcoming.

After an exerting workout,
I feel like I should have melted off
a ton of fat
and be ready to slip into
a cute little sun dress,
flip flops,
and disappear into the sunset
with my husband grasping
my tiny little waist.

But,
no.

Yesterday was almost embarrassing.

There was just me and another girl
in the entire place.
And she was probably about
thirty or forty pounds heavier than me.

I thought to myself for a moment
how hard it must be for her to
finish the circuit,
but I just smiled at her
and started my workout.

After a few minutes,
there I was-
panting like a sweaty, rabid dog-
my face red as strawberry ,
my tee shirt sticking to me like glue,
my heart beating like a jungle drum
when the cannibals are
ready to attack.

There she was.
Cool as a chilled cucumber.
Lifting, pushing,
stepping-
all with the grace and agility
of a seasoned gymnast.
There wasn't a drop of sweat
to be found on her brow.

I couldn't wait to get out of there.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't speak.
I wondered if the defibrillator
in the corner was ready for shock mode.

But this whole experience
has taught me
that I am out of shape.

That I do have lungs -and they hurt.
That I do have ham strings
and arms
and shins
and ribs
that scream out
every time I pull
into the parking lot at Curves.

But, you know what?
I'm not going to listen
to their blood-curdling cries.

I'm going to go in there
and die-
just so I can live.

Just so I can walk out someday
and know-
without a doubt-
that I have
Found Thin.

All Aboard the Chew Chew Train!

2009-06-04T07:06:00.003-05:00

Today I want to introduce you
to Horace Fletcher.

Sorry you can't meet him in person,
but he lived back around 1900.

But old Horace knew a thing or two
about losing weight.

In 1898, he became angry because
he was denied health insurance
because he was overweight.
So- he fought back-
by developing his own diet plan
and seeing results.

His weight loss method
included chewing his food completely
and then spitting it out!
No swallowing at all!
Horace claims to have gone from
205 pounds to 163.

He chewed each bite 32 times-
once for each tooth-
and then spit everything out.

This method soon became known
as "Fletcherizing".

Horace- you had the right idea,
but I'm not so sure
it was healthy.

Plus, how in the hell do you
chew a candy bar
without swallowing it?

That's what I wanna know.

The Beaver Story

2009-06-03T06:15:00.006-05:00

Today I'm posting a repeat.
It's an entry from my other blog
that I wrote last July.
Crap!
Things haven't really changed
all that much in a year's time!

Titled:
My Fat Little Fellow

I'm carrying around a full grown beaver.
Yeah, I agree. That's pretty gross. And it even sounds nasty. But let's face the facts here.
Full grown beavers weigh about thirty pounds, which is about the same amount of weight that I need to lose. Every time I think about grabbing a chocolate bar or a slab of salami, I try to focus on that huge beaver. I try to imagine myself walking through the mall or doing housework with the portly beaver buried under my tee shirt or curled up around my buttocks. I just wish he would give me a good hard slap of its tail when I start giving into temptation. For heaven's sake, what good does it do to carry around your own beaver if it doesn't contribute something?
When you're overweight, it causes new problems that skinny people never have.
I mean, how in the world do you dress a full grown beaver? He falls unattractively out of lo-rise jeans, lays like a adult python on your waistline and slobbers grotesquely beneath any sort of sexy nightgown.
I could live with the fact that I'm stuck with this beaver if he'd let me choose where he stays. It would be great if he would lay across my breast and remain there -firm and perky for the rest of my life!
Oh, believe me- I've tried to starve him out, practically living on broth and tofu for days. I've tortured him with green, leafy salads and fresh fruit. And, if I'm really lucky, he'll shrink a quarter pound or so in thirty days.
Some days I'll even forget he's there. I'll put on my extra loose jeans and enormous tee shirt and spend the day busying myself so that I don't have even a minute to grab a snack or quick bite.
But, by the next day, he's back again- peeking out from beneath my pajama top or rolling around in my sweat pants. He sure is a fat little fellow!
A lot of people have life goals - important things in their lives that they wish to accomplish. Well, I am here today to announce my personal mission statement:
KILL THE BEAVER!!

Time Out

2009-06-02T05:05:00.006-05:00

I might as well just come out and say it.

I'm depressed.

I am sick of the words diet,
calorie, counting, carbs, fat and fiber-
healthy, better, wise and lower.

Maybe I should explain
why I've suddenly plunged
into the depths of despair.

I went shopping yesterday.

It wasn't enough that I had
to choose sizes that I've already
been familiar with for the past few years,
but seeing my reflection in
the dressing room mirror
was enough to make me
want to crawl in a hole-
(a big hole, of course)-
and hide forever.

It made me just want to choke
all those vibrant, smiling
women on TV
who brag how wonderful their
stupid diet shake is,
or how tickled they are to get
meals sent to their home,
or how perfectly jolly their
little group of dieting friends are
when they meet every week.

Diet is 50 percent positive
and 50 percent horrendous.

And today- I am sorry,
but I just can't be Ms. Sunshine.
I just can't skip my way to the fridge
for a diet pudding
or wear a satisfying smile
while munching bean sprouts.

It ain't gonna happen, people.

At least not today.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow will be the
happy, happy, joy, joy
part of my diet.
Maybe tomorrow
I'll flash my pearly whites
and declare "I can do it!"

But today, just let me be.

It's just that I realize how this diet has
caused me to just wish my life away.
I am not enjoying each day to the fullest.
I am stressed about the next meal-
the next day- the next weigh-in.
I worry about results, sizes,
and portions.

I want time to hurry up so I can be at my goal.

I want summer to be over so I can
hide in a sweat shirt again.

So, that's it for today folks.

And, please-
don't tell me you don't have days
like this in your life.
It's all a part
of the journey.

It's all a part of growing, learning,
stretching, and living.

Excuse me now.
I've gotta find a big hole somewhere.

Stay The Course

2009-06-01T05:23:00.001-05:00

There is so much emphasis nowadays
concerning body image.

Models are all size zero's-
movie stars are all anorexic,
and we all strive to be like the
skinny gal next door.

I think it's insane.

I think it's time to stop the madness.

But that isn't to say
that we shouldn't all be
concerned about our weight and
our eating habits.
We can still strive for improvement
without killing ourselves
to seek perfection.

On days like this
when jelly donuts chant to me
and creamy, cheesy nachos seduce me-
I try to tell myself that
"I'm okay."
That my jean size will never be
the same as my shoe size-
that my arm-wings will
never fly away,
and my double chin will
probably never shrink.

My sister Tina-
(which is the littlest one
of my sisters)-
dreams of the day that someone
will come up to her and say-
"You look amaaaazing!"

She's there already, I think.

If not- she's got a short skip
to get to amazing.

On the other hand-
I have personally got to wait
till Hell freezes over
to hear a comment like that.

It got me to thinking...
Here are 10 things I will probably never
hear concerning my body:

1. Are those your real boobs?

2. You are soooo tiny!

3. Do you wear makeup, or are you just a natural beauty?

4. How many marathons have you ran?

5. Sorry, maa'm, we can't help you here. We only sell ladies clothing in larger sizes.

6. Love that belly ring!

7. You look so rested.

8. I think you need a smaller size.

9. I could just pick you up and squeeze you!

10. Honey, you need to eat more.

But- seriously folks-
if we stay the course-
good things are bound to happen.

Along the way to Finding Thin,
we just might find...
"amaaaazing".

The Secret Life Of A Cookie

2009-05-29T06:35:00.004-05:00

I know she's looking for me.

I hear her tossing pots and pans
and cans of green beans
and bags of sugar.
I hear her cursing-
and slamming drawers -
and breathing extra heavily.

She forgot where she put me.

Forgot that she tucked me away
behind the VCR tapes in the
old TV cabinet.

But she remembers
how sweet I am-
how perfectly delicious.
How tender and chocolaty
and moist and satisfying.
She remembers how totally
fantastic I feel in her hands-
her tummy-
her life.

She's getting colder.

Now she's searching the deep freeze
in the garage
and behind the car seats.
I even heard her looking in
the linen closet
beneath the toilet paper
and in the dog's bed.

I know she can smell me.

I know the memory of me
is still like heaven-
that the aroma of my crumbs
can cause her heart to palpitate-
That she can't wait to
kiss my chocolate chips
and embrace my
sugar-sweetened delight.

What?

Listen.

I don't hear her anymore.

She's given up again.
She's stopped looking for me.
She's stopped trying to remember me.

What's that?

Is she really eating a salad?
How cruel she is to me!
Hides me away in shame
and then takes up
with a member of the
vegetable gang!

I don't think she even
loves me anymore.

****************

55 days to go.
Keep those cookies hidden.

Reality Sucks

2009-05-28T05:06:00.003-05:00

Well, it's finally done.
I've made a positive step
to preserve my health,
contour my shape,
and make every muscle in my body
scream out in bloody murder.

I joined Curves.

Now- many of you may have
an opinion of whether this
really works or not.
Some say a traditional gym
would spawn better results.

But hey-
I'm trying this.
I figure I'll give it three months
to work some super magic-
and if not-
well, there's always other options.
Like wiring my jaws shut or something.

The worst part of the whole
registration process
was being weighed and measured.
I guess I was in denial.
But the results say that
I am in poor shape.

Really?
Maybe that's why I get winded
just tying my shoes
or why I turn into a couch potato
everyday at two.

I think I need structure.
Some consistent force
that keeps me on track.
And if it turns out to be
this exercise regimen-
then I will be thankful
that I finally sought help.

I don't want to have a bikini body.
I don't want to run a marathon.
I don't want to be able to lift a small car.

I just want to be comfortable in my own skin.
To breathe well,
look good,
and live long.

I'll keep you posted.

The Toddler Diet

2009-05-27T06:38:00.003-05:00

While frantically searching yesterday
for a better diet aid to accelerate my
so-called plateau,
I ran across a totally new diet.

It's called the Toddler Diet.
It should be simple-
especially for those of you with
young children and
grandchildren.

I thought I might even give it a try
and see what happens!

(I did not write this.
I found this on a website).

DAY ONE

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat two bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take one bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and cloth.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (three sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, four sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina DogChow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: Drop pieces of spaghetti onto back of dog, insert meatball into ear. Dump pudding into Kool-Aid and suck up with a straw.

REPEAT DAYS AS NEEDED!

Best Foot Forward

2009-05-26T05:51:00.003-05:00

Well, you know what they say about
taking One step forward and
Two steps back?
I've been on the One step forward,
Ten steps back program.

And I could just crawl back into bed
and cry.

But-
I've decided that this is the time to
get into exercising.
If I can't quit eating-
then I need to burn off those
extra calories.
I am definitely going to join the gym
this week.

At least on a trial basis-
no contracts.
If I see results in four weeks-
then I'll make a long-term
commitment.

But isn't that what diets are?

So- hey friends-
forget the brats you had over the weekend-
the beer and cake and chips-

We have only 58 days
till the end of our journey.

I don't know about you,
but I want to keep moving forward-
So today I am recommitting myself
to the challenge.

All in favor, say "Aye!".
I will.
I can.
I must.

Break Time

2009-05-11T05:42:00.003-05:00

I'm taking a short break/vacation
and will return on Monday, May 25th.
Hopefully by that time I will
have my house clean,
my yard mowed,
my garden out,
and some more weight off.

Keep on keeping on!

To be continued......

Neccessity Is The Mother Of Invention

2009-05-08T07:28:00.005-05:00

I'm not sure if you all
have resorted to things such as
the Diet Patch,
but don't waste your money.

I have invented a home-made
diet patch of my own and
it works wonders!

Buy a box of large size
Band-aids.
Take a heavy duty hole punch
and place a hole directly
in the center of each
bandage.

Apply bandage to mouth.

Place a bendy straw in hole
to take in water,
protein shakes, Slim Fast
or Jack Daniels.

Change soiled bandage
when covered with cookie crumbs,
pizza cheese,
or anything else you tried to eat
through that little hole.

Let me know how it works for you!

INDD ?

2009-05-07T06:09:00.004-05:00

Today is INDD.
International No Diet Day.

This is an annual celebration
of body acceptance and diversity.
See more at:

http://www.largesse.net/INDD/

Supporters of this holiday
voice concerns about the dangers of dieting,
self-esteem issues, and social discrimination.
They feel that the diet industry is
benefiting from "fatphobia".

Yet, I feel that if you
are dieting in a healthy way,
that it can prolong your life
and help you gain confidence.

You don't have to resort to
starving yourself
or having surgery.

Just cut out that extra hot dog,
mocha cappuccino,
and midnight snack.
Trim your choices-
don't alleviate them all together.

If I was told I could never have
another candy bar
the rest of my life,
all I would think about the
rest of my life
was that candy bar.

Avert your focus.
Too much food obsession
can backfire.
The secret is busying yourself
with other activities.

I mean,
when I go shopping for the day-
I rarely stop to eat.
I don't think about it.
I'm busy doing other things.
And by the time I get home,
I'm too tired to eat.

Read a book,
take a walk,
redecorate,
start a journal.

And if you want a piece
of chocolate-
then by all means,
have it!
But just make sure you
subtract something of
equal calories and fat
from your daily menu.
Or exercise it off.

There are days when I just
want to buy a whole bag of
Hershey's miniatures
and eat everyone of them-
(except the Mr. Goodbar-
which I don't really like).

But once I get busy doing other things,
I forget that urge.

Or at least replace it
with a healthier selection.

I made lasagna for company
over the weekend
and Monday morning there
were two pieces left in the fridge.

They haunted me.
So much that I took them out
and set them on a plate
and thought about microwaving them
for my lunch.

Then I thought to myself-
"You can have a great salad
and it will leave you feeling
just as satisfied as that lasagna."

Guess what.
The lasagna is still in
the fridge and destined
for the garbage today.

It feels good to say "no".

But if you want to celebrate
International No Diet Day,
then you certainly should.

But also remember that
it's not Pig Out Day
or Forget About Tomorrow Day-
that it is just a rest
from your strict schedule.
A mini-vacation.
A reprieve.

In twenty four hours
the wagon is going to
pull back up to your doorstep.

You're gonna climb in
and forget about today.

You're gonna get back
in the groove
and celebrate your journey
of Finding Thin.

Our time is too little
to be so big.

Eggciting Salads

2009-05-06T06:18:00.004-05:00

For those of you who don't have the time
to sit around and surf the net
in your pajamas all day long-
for odd and unimportant facts-
I thought I'd let you know
that May is National Salad Month.

Who doesn't love a salad?

And it's not just lettuce anymore.

Salads are combinations of
vegetables and fruits,
nuts and pasta,
toasted croutons and dry noodles.
And there are so many kinds of lettuce
in the produce section today.
It's a great foundation for a
healthy, filling meal.

I personally like the flavor
of strawberries and feta together.
My husband likes peaches and
raisins on his salads.

But my problem is
that I cannot stand lo-fat
salad dressings.

I simply love Kraft's Poppy Seed
and even after a year of
trying others, I keep coming back to it-
attempting to use less or
blend it with vinegar to cut calories.

I rarely order a salad
when I'm eating out.
They always seem to serve the lettuce
in fist sized pieces
and throw in a half-green tomato
for color.
Plus, if you are dieting-
the chef salads are choc full
of calories and fat.
Which we don't need.
Right?

A hard boiled egg once in awhile
is really good in a salad.
I just always forget to boil some
ahead of time.

You can really spend a lot
beefing up a salad.

But nothing near the salad produced by
Raymond Blanc of London.
Here's a copy of his
amazing salad,
created to celebrate
National Salad Month.

(And remember- I think you double
the total to get American currency).

The Florette Sea and Earth Recipe Ingredients:

- Florette Baby Leaf salad           
GPB£0.50
- Almas golden caviar                  
£600.00 (50g)
- Beluga caviar                        
£9.00
- Truffle                               
£5.00
- Gold leaf                            
£5.00
- Kreel caught langoustines             
£5.00
- Cornish crab                         
£2.00
- Cornish lobster                       
£5.00
- Moulin Jean Marie Cornille olive oil  
£0.50
- Red romano peppers                    
£0.50
- Potato                                
£0.10
- 30yr old Balsamic Vinegar             
£3.00
- TOTAL                                
£635.60


Yeah.
I think I'll buy that television
I was looking at instead.

So-
have fun with your food.
Decorate that salad and make it a meal.
Try to keep it healthy and low fat
and be sure to add  a wide variety
of flavors and textures.

Celebrate National Salad Month.

Oh.
By the way-
I guess I conveniently forgot to mention-
It's also National Burger Month.

Be strong.
We're almost to the finish line.

Alternative Methods

2009-05-05T07:07:00.005-05:00

Another great way to diet
that I haven't even discussed yet
is the Hillbilly Diet.

When traditional methods of
calorie counting
and daily exercise
seem to fail,
it might be time to pack your bags
and head for the hills.

Be sure to take bug repellent,
sturdy boots,
your frog gig,
and your own toilet paper.

The hillbillies will supply
all your meals.
That's the big secret.

A few years ago,
I was on the Hillbilly Diet
for an entire week
and I lost 8.35 pounds.

And you can do it, too.

First of all,
even your 4-wheel drive
won't handle the pot holes
and creek beds on the
way to Cousin Billy-Bubba's.
Don't even try.

A brisk two mile walk
through briers,
a quick dip in a swift running creek,
and a few running jumps
across rattlesnake beds-
and you might just make it
to the old homestead.

Accommodations will be made for you
in the furnace room,
back porch,
tool shed,
or collapsing lean-to.
Sometime Hillbillies are kind
enough to throw their dogs
out of the extra recliner
so that you can sleep there.

So- to start with-
your appetite is already
not what it used to be.

At mealtime,
you can't begin to count the
flies on the roasting ears,
the hairs on the smoked possum,
or the lumps in the buttermilk.

And it seems they have a rabid dog
that guards the fridge-
just in case you were considering a
midnight snack.

By day they'll have you
hauling water,
chopping firewood,
picking off ticks,
and ridin' 4-wheelers.
Hanging out laundry,
picking up beer cans
and cleaning deer carcass.

On the Hillbilly Diet,
you will find muscles
and gag reflexes
you never knew you had!

After a grueling day on the homestead,
don't even think about a good night's sleep.
It's virtually impossible-
what with the turkeys gobblin',
and the Bigfoot howling,
and Uncle Jud trying to sneak
a peek at your
"purdy PJ's".

Breakfast is hot milk
straight from the cow-
biscuits with weevils
baked right in-
and jelly from some bush
down yonder a-ways.

Lunch is squirrel brains,
boiled okra,
pickled pig's feet
and moonshine.

Dinner is poached deer
(and I do mean poached!),
pork rinds,
breaded "innards"
and a Moonpie for dessert.

After two days,
I could just feel myself
growing leaner!

What magic!
Those hillbillies sure
know the secret,
I can tell you that!

So- hey-
I've got connections in the holler
if you decide it's time for a change.

Just let me know
so I can have Uncle Jud
waiting for you!

Until The Checkered Flag Has Waved

2009-05-04T06:43:00.004-05:00

I wanted to take a moment today
to apologize.
To say I'm sorry for starting this blog
and trying to pump you all up
and being just a simple hypocrite.

I've plateaued on this diet
and been sitting at a standstill
for over a month.
I've not heeded my own advice,
listened to my own motivation
or followed my goals.

I'm sorry.

But, on the other hand,
I am even more determined
to make sure we meet
at the finish line together.
How embarrassing would it be
if I finished my own race
in last place?

I woke up this morning
with a prayer-
for strength and thankfulness
and a request for a fresh start-
a new-found urge
to do the right thing.

I can't let you all down.

I can't let myself down.

I'm still in this race, but
I am still learning along the way.

The journey isn't over yet.
And neither is Hope.

I've got up,
dusted myself off,
and started on the trail
for another day.

Accept my apology
but come along
and kick my butt!

Quick Fact of The Day

2009-05-01T06:33:00.005-05:00

She snuck right in without detection-
the girl that lives in my reflection.

Exposed!

2009-04-30T06:11:00.005-05:00

While passing the lingerie aisle
in the store last week,
I decided to do a quick run through-
just to see what my options
are going to be
once I am thin again.

Yes-
how exhilarating it would be
to shed the flannel mu-mu
for a silky slip
or nix the fluffy socks
for some sexy hose
or lose that industrial strength
under wire bra for
something Victoria is
keeping a secret.

Honestly-
How do women wear those thongs?
Mine would get lost under flaps and crevices
and my exposed buttocks would
jiggle worse than jello in an earthquake.

There was nothing in that
particular store that shouted
Plus Size Beauty.
In fact, there doesn't seem to be
anything like that
anywhere on the planet.

A saleslady appeared and
offered her help-
her tiny body clad in a
muscle-bearing sleeveless dress
(In white, even)-
her tan legs jutting out
like long perfect appendages-
her makeup flawless-
her teeth as white as
an all day snow fall-
her attitude one of pity
and concern.

"May I help you? she asked,
giving me the total tip of the head
to tip of the toes
once-over stare.

"Oh, just looking at the panties."
I sighed, trying to suck my gut in.

"Boxers or Briefs?" she said, her
pink Vaseline-intensified-super-glossy
lipstick puckering in disapproval.

I don't know who I hated more
at that moment-
her-
or myself-
or that darn Victoria!

It's Not A Fun House Mirror

2009-04-29T05:12:00.002-05:00

Once again I re-examine my goals
after watching The Biggest Loser
last night.

After seeing their
"before" pictures,
the common sentiment of
all the contestants was
"I wish someone had told
me I was that fat..."

But-
in reality-
Do you?
Do you really want someone
to confront you about your
weaknesses, failures, your
struggles and your imperfections?

Because that's what being
overweight is-
It is- (bottom line here)-
the inability to gain control.

Control of your habits,
your cravings,
your body
and your life.

It's like being in a vehicle
with no steering wheel-
no brakes,
no headlights,
no mirrors and no turn signals.
You are out of control.
Plain and simple.

These contestants
seemed genuinely unaware
that they were fat.
It crept up on them
one pound at a time
until they fit the giant mold.

I looked at myself in the
mirror last night-
critically.
I don't need anyone to tell me.
I see it.
The truth reflects back at me
every time I try on clothes
or take a bath
or hang out with thin friends.

I don't need anyone to tell me
that I need to lose weight.

But-
I DO need to tell myself.
I need to re-establish my mind set.
I've faltered from this diet-
this road-
this journey.

I need to get control again.
I need to steer toward the future,
brake before I get full,
shine light on my trouble spots,
watch the rear view mirror
for past mistakes,
and turn my signals
to go right.

RIGHT to the finish line.
In total control-
In total success-
In total self-confidence.

Tell yourself today
what your body needs to hear.
Before it's too late.
Before the giant mold fits
and you forget
what thin even looked like.

Subliminal Messages

2009-04-28T07:02:00.005-05:00

I figure it's about time that I finally report
about how great I'm doing on this diet and
how badly the need for chocolate
has almost disappeared with time and no longer
is the only thing I think about.

My clothes are getting so huge that
I may even have to buy new jeans
for the summer and toss the old ones
because they are busted at the seams.
Good thing I can wear new fashions!
The thought of trying on clothes-well..
It's something I absolutely love and
it makes me throw up
to think I once wore those larger sizes!

Cheesecake and pizza are foods
that I have eliminated from my diet and
I think I could eat all day
from the salad bar instead.
Sometimes it doesn't matter to me
what I have to pay for great fish and veggies-
if those calorie-laden treats
are now off my grocery list for good and
are all wrong for me.

I took those first baby steps and
I wondered every single day if I
could lose the extra pounds since I
had 200 days to diet
Yet, I realized I had to at least try
and exercise regularly
and I know I would I look better-
if I would get rid of my big butt!

I thought I had lost my willpower
But it's still here!

NOW:
Go back and read
the BOLD sentences only.
Yep.
That's about the way it's going for me!

How are you?

What's In Your Future?

2009-04-27T05:07:00.008-05:00

Caribbean cruise...................... $1900

State-of-the-art Treadmill..... $ 700

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny
Yellow Polka Dot Bikini..... $ 60

Case of Diet Coke....................... $ 4

Finding Thin................................ Priceless!

Sweet Surprises

2009-04-24T05:05:00.005-05:00

Part of any well-structured diet
is the forethought that goes into
preparing the food in
such an attractive way
that it isn't mundane and boring.

I try to always keep
a colorful array on my plate-
a green veggie, a yellow one,
and whatever other color
there is.

In my opinion,
nothing seems more unappetizing
than a baked chicken breast
with cabbage, green beans and
okra as sides.

It's way too green.

Maybe it's just the artist in me,
but I like to play with my food.
Mix it up-
Tweak it a bit.
Make it interesting
and colorful.

And it's always a plus
when Mother Nature helps out.

Like this morning-
I loved putting the
"strawberry lips"
in my husband's oatmeal!

Fun stuff!

It's Not Impossible

2009-04-23T06:46:00.004-05:00

Face it, there are days
when you just can't see the future.
When it seems you'll
never even get close to your goal.
Days when you're tired
of trying to lose that last
ten or twenty pounds-
(or the first two!).

But-
people do it everyday!

You aren't so different.
All it takes is the
will to try.
And the strength to
follow through.

Take for example
the story of David Smith
who lost 400 pounds!
I bet he thought it was
an impossible dream.

But look at him now!

He is now a personal trainer.

What do YOU want to be?

Crunch Time!

2009-04-22T06:49:00.003-05:00

While watching TV last night,
there was a pretty woman
on some program doing
sit-ups.

It's funny.
Her face wasn't all drawn
up into a wad of agony
and her breathing seemed
so consistent and
controlled.

My husband glanced
over at me and said,
"You need to be doing those."

I almost said sarcastically-
"Oh, my gosh! I hadn't ever
thought of that! Wow!
Great idea! I'll get right on it!"

Instead, I swallowed dryly
and sighed,
"Yeah. I ought to...
I mean- I'm going to..
I really have meant to."

If I did ten sit-ups today,
I'd be bed-ridden for a week!
My stomach muscles would
be so sore I'd feel like I'd
been in some torture chamber
on the stretching machine.

My neck, legs, and butt
would also hurt.
Not to mention the painful
cries that would emit from
my lips in the process
of firming my (lost) abs.

But-
he's right, I know.
There is going to be some pain
along the journey.
Sacrifices must be made.
Things must be done-
whether comfortable or not.

Whether pretty or not-
the elbows are gonna have
to learn to touch the knees.

But- I've come
a long way, baby.
I used to sit and
eat jelly donuts while
watching Susan Powter
and Richard Simmons...

And the whole time thinking-
"I should be doing what they're doing."
But instead of getting up
and doing some stretches,
I'd wipe the jelly off my chin
and reach into the bag for another
circle of calories.

I vow that today I will do ten sit-ups.
Just to please my husband.

And if I don't die doing them-
then I'll do fifteen tomorrow-
and twenty five next week.

So-
if you happen to pass by
my house this afternoon-
just ignore the cries for help
and the heavy breathing.

It's just me.
Doing sit-ups!

...Doing everything I possibly can
to find thin.

Won't you join me?

Oh, What A Beautiful Morning

2009-04-21T06:32:00.005-05:00

When I took out the trash
this morning,
my lungs filled with
sweet morning air-
and I thought to myself
how wonderfully
exhilarating it would be
to set off on a nice walk.

The birds were just waking up-
the grass was dewy and green-
the sky a beautiful blue color
that was turning pink
with the rising sun.

I breathed in.
Out.
In.
Out.

I thought to myself
how great it is
to be alive.

But-
you know what?
I just went back into
the house and had
another cup of coffee.

The walk was a nice idea,
but that's all that became of it.
Another opportunity for
exercise wasted.

Living out in the country,
I wouldn't walk alone anyway.
But I know I should have at
least grabbed a seat on the porch
and watched the sunrise
and the day open up.

We are given choices in life
and each day we are tested.

I've made the choice
to Find Thin.

I want to experience
gentle Spring mornings-
and whatever the world
has to offer-
for a long, long time.

It's time to start walking.
Doing.
Breathing.

Living.

A Helpful Hand

2009-04-20T06:15:00.004-05:00

The only thing I love
as much as seeing the
scale go down when I step on,
is seeing it go down
for my husband.

He's been a real trooper
through this entire journey
and even tends to
keep me on track
when I start to falter.

I'm still safe inside
my sweats and tee shirts-
I haven't lost enough to
be comfortable with my legs
or arms showing.
But my husband is different...

He primps in front of
the mirror lately.
Stretches... Flexes...
Sucks it all in...
Grooms himself meticulously.

When he gets dressed for work,
he pulls his belt-
(now to the last notch!)
with a masculine grunt
of egotistical satisfaction.

I can help but wonder
if he's like me-
and has to loosen the darn thing
after lunch!

I guess I'm jealous
that the pounds haven't
dissolved as quickly for me.
I'm ready to be
svelte.
Slim.
Smart and stylish.

Honestly, I haven't been
trying very hard lately.
I need a boost
and I've made a
promise to myself
to try harder.
Just bear down for a few
weeks and see what a difference
it makes.

Sometimes we reach the
plateau and then start sliding
back down the hill.

I sure can't let that happen.
Especially now that my
husband is a cross between
George Clooney and
John Goodman!

I am happy that he's
in stride with me
as we continue to
take baby steps every day.

It helps to have a friend,
a partner, a guide,
whenever you attempt
a lifestyle change.

Less than 100 days
to go.

I don't know about you,
but I want to cross
the finish line
with a smile on my face-
and the Spanx in the trash!

Onward!

Subconscious Splurges & Food Urges

2009-04-17T06:06:00.004-05:00

Since I am on my way to
yard sales early this morning,
I've cheated on the blog entry a bit
by simply passing along some
interesting diet facts for
you to enjoy.

**********

Research conducted by Alan R. Hirsch, M.D., of the Smell & Taste Treatment Research Foundation reveals the following snack food personalities:

Potato Chips: Potato-chip lovers are successful high achievers who enjoy the rewards and trimmings of their success, both in business and in family life.

Snack Crackers: Contemplative and thoughtful, people who prefer snack crackers base their decisions on logic rather than emotions.

Meat Snacks: Gregarious and social, those who reach for a savory bag of pork rinds or crave beef jerky and other meat snacks are often the life of the party. They are loyal and true friends who can always be trusted.

Pretzels: Lively and energetic, pretzel fans seek novelty and thrive in the world of abstract concepts. They often lose interest in mundane, day-to-day routines.

Tortilla Chips: Perfectionists in regards to their own actions and to the community at large, people who crave tortilla chips are humanitarians who are often distressed by the inequities and injustices of society.

Cheese Curls: Formal, conscientious and always proper, the cheese-curl lover can be described with one word: integrity. They will always maintain moral high ground with their family, work, and romantic partners.

*******
Which one are you?

After soaking in all that-
I think I've figured out my
food personality.

I'm Sybil.

You know- from the 1976
movie starring Sally Field
about a shy student who
has 16 different personalities.

Since there are only 6 personalities above,
I have utilized my psychological background-
(I took Psych 1 in High School, people!)
and added 10 more that I think are
prevalent.

Cookies
Nuts
Liquor
Cakes
Combos(Yumm...Pizza flavored)
Candy Bars
Popcorn
Hot Wings
Mississippi Caviar(see me for the recipe)
and Ice cream!

I am just one troubled fat woman!

But not for long!

Post-Script To Today's Blog

2009-04-16T08:19:00.005-05:00

CLICK to ENLARGE

After Reading Linda's Comment- I couldn't help myself!

Sniff This!

2009-04-16T06:33:00.003-05:00

If you've ever passed
a Burger King during lunchtime
or drove by a steak house
in the evening,
you know how the
sense of smell
can make you hungry.

In fact, there is
scientific proof
that smell
has a direct correlation
to your diet and weight.

We tend to think of
aromatherapy
as bath oil beads
and scented candles,
but aromatherapy
has also been utilized
by doctors,
nutritionists,
and psychologists.

You would naturally think
that if you lost your sense
of smell, that you
wouldn't eat as much.

Wrong.

One known fact
of the studies is that
people who lose their
sense of smell-
(called anosmia)-
actually gain weight.

The doctors explain this by
saying that with no smell,
the brain is tricked into
thinking that it
hasn't eaten yet.

There are aroma pens
that you can purchase
to help you lose weight.
Just sniff them regularly
and your brain thinks
it has already eaten.
Thus, making you feel full
when you really aren't.

I had a hard time finding
a place to purchase them online,
but I read somewhere
that a set of three
cost about $50.

I just can't see myself
sniffing a giant
chocolate pen
and my brain instantly
making me think
that I don't need that
candy bar-
or that I already ate one!

I think in this case,
the nose needs to be
talking to the belly.

My belly can't smell.
But it sure can growl!

Have You Looked At Your Rear In The Mirror Lately?

2009-04-15T05:02:00.005-05:00

Whenever you get a new car,
it's like a treasure-
and you treat it with utmost care.

Clean it, shine it,
vacuum and spray it-
give it only the best gasoline
and the highest grade oil.

Then something strange happens.

When the car gets old,
you start overlooking the dust-
you let lint and crumbs slide-
you buy the cheapest oil change
and let the tires go bald.
Even little scratches or
imperfections
go unchecked.

And everyday
we wonder to ourselves
how much further down the
road we will get
before it gives out completely.

Well, the same thing happens
with our bodies.

And chances are,
we'll wake up someday and realize
that if we don't do
some maintenance soon
that our journey
will be cut short.

Why do we put such crap
into our bodies?
Overlook extra pounds
and let bulges and wrinkles
take over-
Suddenly stop caring for ourselves
the way we used to...

Our bodies are
a lot like a car.
They need fuel, upkeep,
and protection.

Got junk in your trunk?
Are your axles rusty?
Transmission a bit faulty?
Upholstery dated?
Seat belt too tight?

It's time.
Time to take inventory
of what must be done.

We all want our trip to last longer.
And to be comfortable
and enjoyable.

I'm hoping to find
some jumper cables
in the next few weeks
and power up my mo-jo-
find a smoother ride-
a sleeker ride-

And a more compact ride!

Do it today.
Let's own this Road!

One Hundred Days

2009-04-14T05:13:00.003-05:00

One hundred days ago-
I decided this fat had to go.

So I started a journey
of 200 days-
which meant that
I could no longer graze

in the smorgasbord
of Fat-ville Town.
I was ready to turn
my whole life around.

At first it was hard
giving up sweets
Saying no to cookies
and cheesecake and treats.

But then something happened-
A miracle maybe-
I started taking steps
much like a baby.

Each day was easier
and even rice cakes were fun
And turkey and lettuce
On a whole wheat bun-
And grains and veggies
became my craving-
I suddenly realized
My health was worth saving.

Well, I didn't quite melt
the way I had planned-
But my new world was better
than Lard Ass Land.

I started caring
about my hair-
my skin, my clothes
and underwear.

I wanted to look good
Inside and out-
"I can do it!" I said-
Without a doubt...

Some days were hard-
some nights were scary-
'Cause I'd be visited
by the donut fairies.
But I'd close my eyes
And ignore all them-
My mission was set-
I must find thin!

The scale weighed heavy-
the scale weighed light-
The scale sailed across the room
like a kite.
I was angry one day
and happy the next-
But still tried to focus-
to succeed at this test.

I know I'll never be
An-ge-li-na Jo-lie.

Or never have a belly
like Valerie Bertinelli.

But I will be
the best that I can-
I'll finish this journey
And love who I am!

One hundred days-
And one hundred to go-
Yes! We can do it!
And soon it will show!

Hold my hand-
Let's keep on movin'-
Loving our journey-
and smiling and groovin'.

For we'll wake up someday
With a very proud grin
And look in the mirror-
Shouting-
"I have FOUND THIN!"

*********************

Thanks to all of you who
have followed my blog for these
hundred days.
Sometimes I'm not sure how
to motivate
and entertain you all,
but I'm hanging in for
the duration.
I hope you are, too.

May your success be sweet
and the future be bright.
See you tomorrow!

Happy 100 Day Anniversary!

Don't Invite Trouble

2009-04-13T06:24:00.004-05:00

I am so proud of myself
that I did not eat even
one single chocolate bunny
all weekend!

Of course, the kids weren't here
and I didn't get them baskets,
so there weren't any
cocoa covered rabbits
hopping around the house
to even tempt me.

That's the secret to a successful diet.
Don't bring it into the house.
Don't even buy it at all.

I've had problems in the past
by convincing myself
that if I buy a dozen donuts,
I'll just eat one
and let the kids
consume the rest.

Never happens.

There is always that last donut
(or two)
that catches your eye
when you go to fill
your coffee cup
or visit the kitchen
to grab another bowl
of wheat germ.

Donut?
Wheat Germ?
Donut?
Wheat Germ?
Hummmmm.
Which should I choose?

I can tell you, nine times out of ten
the donut always speaks the loudest.

That's a weird thing about food.
It talks.
The bad thing is,
that unhealthy foods
have survived by learning
to speak louder,
be more convincing,
and are just naturally more
attractive.

I have never once
gone into the kitchen
and heard the prunes
talking to me.
Or the oatmeal
or the spinach.

No.
It's always the sweet,
the gooey,
the iced, frosted,
and surgary foods
that speak my kind of
language.

That's why,
you simply cannot
invite them into your life!
They're no good for you.
They'll just bring you down
and ruin your relationship
with the healthy food group.

More than one donut
or cookie
or piece of cake
is a gang!
A notorious-
evil,
selfish,
conniving gang!
And no good will come of
your association with it.

So, I've learned the hard way
and hope you'll heed my warning.

Stay out of the Dunkin' Donut hood-
The life you save
may be your own.

Frugal Failures

2009-04-10T05:51:00.006-05:00

I'm always on the look out
for any type of device
or plan
or cool invention
that will make dieting
a little easier.

Be it a grapefruit knife,
a salad spinner,
or a special tea,
I gravitate toward
the claim that it
could dramatically change
the way I eat.

The May issue of Family Circle
had a short article about
a new diet accessory.
Called A-Wrist-A-Trac,
this fashionable weight loss tool
is a cinch to use.

It consists of 30 bracelets
of various colors.
Each color represents
a food group.
Pink for fruit,
green for vegetables,
...and so forth.

You start out with the bracelets
on your left arm
and as you eat specific foods,
you move the color-coded bracelet
to your right wrist.

Eat an apple-
move a pink bracelet
to the other side.
Do this until the bracelets
are all on the opposite arm.

If you have a green one left
over at dinner,
grab a salad to fulfill
your daily portions.

Creator Kathleen Healey
claims that it is
"a food diary right on your arm.".
You can find it at awristatrac.com
for about $20.

Well, not only am I an explorer of diet aids,
I am also a very frugal gal-
and until I'm sure something
is going to work,
I hate spending too much money.

Twenty dollars would buy
a lot of lettuce-
or gasoline.
So, I thought I would improvise
and create my own version
of the A-Wrist-A-Trac.

So, I went to the dollar store
and bought 30 candy bracelets.

Ooooppps.....

Let's Get To Hoppin'

2009-04-09T05:55:00.004-05:00

Easter is only days away
and, unfortunately-
so is chocolate temptation.

According to statistics,
120 million pounds
of candy will be purchased
for Easter.
That equals approximately
$500 million dollars.

Seventy percent of that
will be chocolate-
which consists of
ninety million chocolate bunnies.

Seventy-six percent of people
eat the bunny's ears first.
( I usually inhale the entire body
at once, so I really wouldn't know...)

Sixty-one million dozen eggs
are also sold for the upcoming holiday.
(Whoever thought of that messy
tradition of dye and vinegar
for children- should be shot).

I've always had a hankering for
Cadbury Eggs.
One website states that
these creamy delights
are around 172 calories each.
OMG!
In years past, I was buying and
eating them by the dozen!
That's over 2000 calories
for one late night compulsion!

Not to mention the delicious ham
I would also consume.
Easter wouldn't be the same
without a juicy slice of pork product.

But this year I will
certainly eat in moderation
and make sure that
there is no chocolate temptation
anywhere around.

That said-
we should not hit another
stumbling block in the road
until Memorial Day weekend
when the picnic stuff starts.

That gives us all six weeks
to renew our dedication
to our diets
and realign our goals.

Tuesday will be half-way
through our journey.

Don't let a single Easter bunny
blind you from your mission.

Let's buckle up now
and get serious.

Victory for Valerie- Encouragement For Us

2009-04-08T06:31:00.003-05:00

I'm back from taking a few days
off to play nurse.

In those few days, I've come to
realize that writing -
and this computer surfing
is a giant aid in helping me
think less about eating.

I did pretty well, I guess
but lately, I've had a tendency to slip.
You think that after this many days
I'd be used to the routine,
but I don't think that ever
really happens.

Even Valerie says so.

Yes, I read the article in People
Magazine where Valerie Bertinelli
talks about her weight loss.
At 175 pounds, she was miserable.
Now at less than 130, she is
the envy of every out-of-shape
middle aged woman-
and eye-candy for every
middle-aged man.

But, we all have to realize
that access to the gym,
healthy food choices
and a personal trainer
helped Valerie achieve
her goal quicker.

I tell myself that a few
sit-ups in the afternoon
will do wonders.
IF I just would do them!

My husband says to put an M&M
between each toe
and that would get me
at least eight sit-ups!

What a funny, funny guy he is.

But back to Valerie-
even though she has lost
her weight,
she said she realizes that
she is always just
a jalapeno popper away
from being 175 again.

I hear you, Valerie.
I feel your pain.

But we all need to think
of our journey this way:
We are only skinless chicken breasts
and carrot sticks
and fresh fruit
away from being
"eye candy".

Let's go, girls!

I'm Thinking Arby's

2009-04-03T03:59:00.001-05:00

Top Ten Things I Wanted To Eat
Before I Started My Diet...
But didn't.

10. Pecan pancakes from Cracker Barrel
with a side of smokey bacon and a steaming
mug of fresh coffee.

9. A giant bowl of Chicken Pot Pie soup
from 54th Street Diner with warm-from-the-oven
soft brown bread and slathered honey butter.

8. A double order of six-layer lasagna from
Fazoli's. Complete with two garlic-butter-drenched
bread sticks.

7. KFC's honey bbq boneless wings. Dipped in ranch
sauce and honey mustard at the same time,

6. Tender pork ribs smoked slowly on the grill
and marinated in a secret concoction of beer
and Jack Daniel's bottled sauce- brown sugar
and some spices.

5. Any deep dish pizza with a thick layer of
everything-topping and crust so yummy you can fold
it in half and attack it like a taco.

4. A genuine cheesecake. It wouldn't even have to
be cherry or chocolate turtle or strawberry swirl.
Just big and dense and packed with goodness.

3. A mess of jalapeno poppers, blooming onions,
artichoke dip and mozzarella sticks.

2. A gigantic cream horn from Farm Fresh
that is big around as my arm and has enough
fluff in it to paint the porch with,

1.A super thick slice of garlic bologna-
gently fried to perfection, layered on soft white bread
with a melty chunk of Velveeta cheese.

Yeah.
I have days like that.
Nightmares, really.

Looking back on the things I once ate
on a regular basis repulses me now.

Sure, one of those ten treats
now and then
won't stop you from reaching your goals.

We just can't let their memory own us.
We can't let their false sense of comfort
lead us astray.

I could just as easily name
the top ten delicious diet things
that I crave.

Number ten is....

Well....
Ugghh.
Hmmmmm.

I lied.

But let's be honest.
We are all going to be haunted
by our past loves.

Live in today.
Live for tomorrow.

When cravings start,
just be brave.
Grab an apple and go for a walk.

My Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

2009-04-02T06:46:00.004-05:00

I missed Valerie Bertinelli
on Oprah yesterday.
She was supposed to be showing off
her great new bikini body.

Heck- I'd show it off, too.
She's what? Forty-something?

I quit wearing bathing suits
at thirty-something.

There was something just not right
about exposing the world
to curdled cellulite,
purple spider veins
and rolls of mole-y white skin.
The world just wasn't ready for it.

I suppose that is one thing that has
never been part of my big dream.
I don't vision myself in a swim suit-
I don't aspire to go to the beach
in a bikini someday.
I'm past that.
Really.

My dream is to get into
a great pair of jeans
and a great fitted top
and be comfortable
and confident.

(Plus, to find a good hairstyle
and shoes that fit
and a bra whose wires
don't strangle me.)

And a nice purse.

And a versatile jacket.

And cool pajamas.

Yes, I suppose you can say
I want it all.
Except for the bathing suit part.

The last suit I had
was a giant moo-moo looking garb
that my sister bought me
so that we could get in the river
during our camping trips.

Other than the fact that
we looked like twin hippos out there,
the neon pink and green fabric
was only a flashing sign to
everyone that said:
"Hey, look at us- we are giant old ladies in swim suits.
With attached skirts.
And we can't even swim!"

I say let Valerie have her day in the sun.

I'll spend mine
window-shopping for skinny clothes.
Ain't it gonna be great?

Don't Be Foolish

2009-04-01T06:29:00.003-05:00

Just a quick note to let you all know
that this is not a holiday.

April Fool's Day is not an excuse
to break out the double fudge
cookies and cheeseburger pie.

Instead it is a day
to be more aware
and stay away from such foolishness.

We've come too far.

Look behind you.
The winter days are almost gone.
Melted like the snow.

So is that difficult beginning-
the day we all set out
on this journey.
The nights our bellies growled-
the weeks the scale never moved-
the days that temptation
sat upon our shoulders
and whispered unwise things to us.

Don't be a fool.
Don't backslide.
Don't give up.

Even if the weight loss
isn't dramatic,
you have become a better person-
not just a a dreamer-
but a doer-
someone who knows it can be done.
That anything is possible.

Those three months
haven't really disappeared.
They have saturated our hearts
and made us stronger.
Made us ready
for the next hundred days or more.

It's time for wisdom.
For cracking down
and trying harder.

Don't be an April Fool.

Be a winner.

Do You See What I See?

2009-03-31T05:46:00.003-05:00

Okay, okay-enough about bodily functions, already!

Today we are going to touch on body image.
How you feel about your body
goes a long way in determining just how
other people see you.

Are you positive when you walk into a room?
Do you smile and hold your head up?

Or do you become stressed-
immediately self-conscious about your belly
or your butt?

I have seen lots of bigger women
who wear sleeveless tops,
tuck in their shirts and belt their
wide waistlines.
But you know what?

They look good because they are smiling.
Because their hair is stylish,
their clothes are hip,
and because their attitude says
"I feel good about myself".

I think it all boils down to loving yourself.

So many of us don't.
We're disgusted and disillusioned
and it shows in our furrowed face
and our weary posture.

I get so sick of those magazines
that constantly remind us
that we each have a certain body shape.
Over and over and over again-
every month or two-
these magazines will tell you
how to dress, what to wear,
and even how to wear your hair and makeup.

Plus- what idiot named all the
body shapes after food?
The pear, the apple, the lollipop....

Well, I'm not a psychologist,
but, please, People!
What kind of garbage is that?

Wear what makes you feel good.
Buy clothes that make you feel beautiful.
Put on whatever makes you
comfortable and confident.
It comes through
and people can sense it.

Just because you're fat
doesn't mean you aren't attractive.

But don't roll around like a slob
and feel sorry for yourself.

Take charge.
Love yourself.
And the future will unfold
before you know it.
There is so much to enjoy
and look forward to.

Don't put life on hold
just because you're on a diet.
Live Large-
at least until you can...
Find Thin.

Better Buy Beano

2009-03-30T07:14:00.004-05:00

I feel as though a diet journey
is a personal experience that is always
best when shared with others.

Just knowing that other people
are out there
going through the same trials
and experiencing similar
joys and disappointments,
is always uplifting
and encouraging.

That's why I'm sure you won't mind
a personal story about a private experience
that- for me-
has only added to the spiciness and
the memory of this long, long journey.
Forgive me
if it offends any of you.

I cooked my favorite chili Sunday afternoon.
Being low calorie and high fiber-
it was an excellent choice
for a snowy afternoon lunch.
It hit the spot.

In fact, it was so good
that I had seconds.
And even then, I stayed well
within my daily limits.

Well, you know from my past blogs that
I had a definite problem
with my favorite high-fiber
"fart bars."

Honey- this chili made those fart bars
sound like an ant coughing.

I was tooting bazooka guns all day!
And try as I might-
they could not be suppressed
or hidden
or even Glade-disguised.

It was a good thing
I wasn't sitting in church
or cooped up in the car stuck in traffic.
Because the hi-decibel grunts
weren't the worst part of it.

The smell made little green clouds
appear all over the house
and unfortunately
my husband drifted into one
as he entered the bathroom.

I suppose after a few hours,
I was used to it.
It didn't seem to be a problem,
but he began opening windows and doors
and turning on ceiling fans.

"It's snowing in on the carpet," I said,
fighting another small toot.

"Get a hold of yourself, Woman!" he warned,
backing up three or four feet
and waving the air.

Later in the day, we went to the garage to
assemble a smoker that we had just bought
and by that time, he had forgotten
the putrid poison pellets of perfume
that I had deposited earlier.

Burner assembly.
Check.
Chrome handle.
Check.
Wire racks.
Check.
Thermostat.
Check.

All the while. I was holding the
flashlight so that he could peer
into the smoker to tighten the nuts.

I felt another wave of silent stench
coming on and
walked off to the other side of
the room to avoid another
scolding.

Then he shouted impatiently
and insisted that I
immediately resume my
loyal flashlight-holding stance-
so what could I do?

Let's just say
that he wasn't a happy camper.

Yet, later that night,
his chili fiber suddenly kicked in
and we went to bed and snuggled
amicably,
sounding like muffled firecrackers
in stereo sound.

But, you know-
I laughed more than I had in weeks.
It just goes to show the price we must pay
for healthier living.

And I don't mean to
toot my own horn, (no pun intended)
but I am willing to experience all
the uncomfortable side effects.

Face it-
though it might make some of you barf-
Sweet success never smelled so good!

Swim Suit Season Is Upon Us

2009-03-27T06:02:00.004-05:00

NEED I SAY MORE?

Ignoring Tradition

2009-03-26T06:58:00.003-05:00

No wonder people are fat.

Every time a celebration
or holiday comes around,
somehow there is food involved.

And usually delicious food.

Who in the heck started the
ice cream and birthday cake scenario?
Why couldn't it just be tradition to
chomp on a stalk of celery and
sing Happy Birthday
as you run laps around
the living room?

And take Easter, for example.
Why chocolate bunnies?
Couldn't they just be Brussels Sprout bunnies?
Or rice cake rabbits?
And maybe we could nix the ham
and home made rolls
for a Slim Fast shake
and a stick of gum.

New Years Eve.
Have you ever seen one without junk food?
Or liquor?
And who gave men permission
to reward us with boxes of chocolates
on Valentine's Day?
Why not a cute little box of
cherry tomatoes
or sushi rolls?

I think we ought to unite-
voice our concerns
and change traditions
all over the world!

Why should skinny people get to enjoy cake
when we must avoid it at all costs?
Why should thin individuals be able
to lay away tons of nachos and peanuts
and not gain an ounce?

It's prejudice-
pure and simple.

It should be a crime for thin people
to look at the rest of us
as though we are committing a crime
when we put a box of
Ding Dongs in our grocery cart.

It is obesity-profiling.

And the only way
we are ever going to overcome it
is by....
well.. we might as well face it...
by becoming thin ourselves.

Like I always say-
if you can't beat 'em- join 'em.

(And if you can't join 'em-
at least hide the Ding Dongs!)

Let's keep on truckin'.

X Marks The Spot

2009-03-25T07:06:00.006-05:00

I watched the Biggest Loser last night.

While they were sweating and struggling,
I couldn't help by wonder why I was
still sitting on my big butt,
waiting for miracles to happen.

I realized that if these people
can move enough to get exercise,
then I have no excuses such as:
"I'm tired",
"I don't have time",
"I don't have a gym membership."

It's excuses that got me fat.

Like:
"I can't throw away the last two slices of pizza."
"That piece of pie was so good, I have to have another."

"It's the weekend, so I'm gonna splurge."

What one contestant said last night
hit home with me:
"Every day you must make a conscious decision about your life."

I know it's easy to get caught up
in celebrations and rewards
and stress-
and usually food is the crutch that
most people lean on.

But-
it's time to quit.

It's time to look toward tomorrow
and envision where you want to be.
Who you want to be.

Personally, I want the letter "X"
to be totally eradicated from the tags
of my wardrobe.
No XL underwear,
no XXL sweat pants,
no size X tops
or tanks
or belts!

"X" marks the spot
where I must begin
to make changes!

I decided that I will take time
each morning
to evaluate my day.
I must meet it head on
and be prepared for the challenges.

I have to "Think"
before I "Do".

"Is this healthy for me?"
"Do I really need another serving?"
"Won't the fat free salad dressing be better for me?"
"Remember to fill up on the veggie tray at tonight's party instead of the dessert tray."
"I can walk across the parking lot- it's a beautiful day out."

All I have to do is make it through
24 hours at a time-
and then start a new day tomorrow.

Tomorrows add up pretty quickly.
Look how fast almost 100 days has gone.

Stop.
Look.
Breathe.
Decide.

And you know what?
It never-ever
hurts to pray.

Smart Choices

2009-03-24T06:06:00.005-05:00

There are times in my life
when I actually considered
taking some type of diet pill.
Just pop a few of those babies
in my mouth every morning-
and then jet around the house
like a skinny Tasmanian Devil.

But, my brain out ruled my body.
Luckily, I was smart enough to know
that not only are diet pills
unsafe, but the fix is
only temporary.
That little pill will never
taste like buttered roasting ears
or deep pan pizza.
Sooner or later, cravings
would most likely surface
and it's highly probable
that a feeding frenzy
would put you even deeper
into your fat furrow.

Then there are also all those
wraps and creams and devices
that offer a quick fix-
that amazingly melt off inches,
eradicate cellulite
and dissolve fat glands.
But, then again-
a temporary solution.

I like to eat.
I enjoy seeing a plate
full of colorful food
and seasoned cuisine.
I savor sweet and sour
and spicy and salty.
I require crunchy and creamy
and tender and smooth.
No diet pill
or diet-dungeon tool
can give you all of that.

Changing the way you look at food
is the best track to follow.
Substitutions and new product choices
can gradually make a huge
difference in your weight
and your attitude.
Just go one week without soda
and see what a difference it makes.
Cut out the Crappachino every morning
for a month and watch that scale plummet.
Fill up on a light salad before your meal.

There are safe and healthy ways
to get the pounds off.
It's just not going to be quick.
It's not going to happen overnight.

It's going to take
determination, organization,
frustration and elimination.

But you can do it.
I have faith in all of you.

I'm On The Slow Boat

2009-03-23T07:15:00.005-05:00

I really wish I could say
that I took a week off from writing
and spent that time working out
and walking
and perfecting healthy menus.

But I'd be lying.

I am basically in the same place
and point on the scale
that I was when I last wrote.

But- don't get me wrong-
I'm not discouraged
and I'm not giving up.
I just realize it is time
to get a second wind
and start getting more serious.
Guessing at portions
and adding a treat here and there
are just choices for disaster.

I have a Sister Weekend the end of May
and we all are bragging about how
we will be able to walk and bend
and jump out of the van
like teenagers on spring break.
We are going on another
100 Mile Yard Sale adventure
which takes a certain amount
of stamina and agility.
And if I don't get on the program
with my diet journey,
I'll be left in the van
holding everyone else's
trash and treasure!

Plus, I turn 53 in May.

I hope by then I can look
in the mirror and be proud of
the results.
I know I can't turn back time,
but I'll be able to enjoy
the present more fully
if I am fit.

Right now I look into the mirror
and say,
"Mirror, mirror,
On the wall-
What the HELL happened?"

Here's to a great new spring.
A revival of hope.
Another successful week
of our 200 day journey.

It's good to be back.

Craving Crusher

2009-03-12T04:21:00.000-05:00

My new favorite lunch is a pita salad.
I literally salivate whenever I think about it.
And thank goodness
it's both healthy and delicious.

And easy to prepare, to boot!

I prefer the whole wheat pita-
(or Kangaroo Bread, as some call it)
and most groceries sell it near the bakery
or the bread products.
I happened to run across
the Weight Watcher pitas while out of town,
(which are half the points as regular),
but you can't find them here locally.

I buy the Shreds lettuce-
slice up a few radishes, cukes
and carrots-
add reduced-fat feta cheese,
chopped cherry tomatoes,
and a smidgen of raisins.
I blend all that with Good Seasons
dry packaged dressing
(that I mixed
with seasoned rice vinegar only).
No oil.

I usually heat two pita halves
for 15-20 seconds in the microwave
and stuff those babies with
my salad concoction.

It is filling and fit
and satisfies that crunchy-but-sour
craving I usually get about mid-day.

Depending on your diet plan,
you could add tuna or chicken-
or try just lettuce with sliced strawberries
and a lo-fat poppy seed dressing.

One tip is that
you may want to store your pitas
in the refrigerator.
I've found out that they don't
keep very long at room temperature.
There's nothing worse than
planning a great pita salad-
only to find the bread's gone green.

A salad by itself seems lacking substance-
but a salad stuffed inside those wheat
pockets looks like cheating!

Have you got a favorite
craving-crusher?
Share it with all of us here.

We can always use some great new ideas
to help make this journey
a more pleasant process.

33 more days and we're halfway there!

How The Cookie Monster Crumbles

2009-03-11T05:23:00.005-05:00

As I wrote on my other blog today,
the Girl Scouts celebrate their
birthday tomorrow.

It commemorates the day in 1912
when the founder, Juliette Gordon Low,
registered the first 18 members
and formed what is now known
as The Girl Scouts of the USA.

I am sure these girls are loyal,
true, and practice acts of kindness-
-but in my mind-
they are no more innocent than
McDonald's when it comes to
enticing people to "super size".

I mean, have you ever
ordered just one box of cookies
from them?

No.
It is the shear volume
of these crunchy sweet treats
that make them so attractive.

Place a single Thin Mint on a plate,
and you have nothing.
Place five boxes of Thin Mints
on your plate
and you have supper!

But, believe me-
there's nothing thin about them!

These girls are pushers.
Plain and simple.

They even attack us in our homes-
ringing doorbells
and knocking knockers
and coming around to the back yard
where we are hiding in the azaleas.

One look at their little green sash
and their full-color cookie brochure-
and we've committed ourselves
to a huge diet dilemma.

The only way to avoid
seeing those seductive Samoas
and the tantalizing Tagalongs
is to "Just say no!"

Sure, the little brats might
run home crying-
their mothers might ban you
from the block party-
your house might get egged
and TP'd,
but, hey-
you're gonna be thinner because of it!

That, my friends,
is one giant secret of diet success-
DON'T let it into your house.
DON'T feed the monster.
DON'T tempt evil.

Just look the other way-
and-oh, yeah...
hide somewhere better
than those stupid bushes!

Move It or Lose It, Sista !

2009-03-10T05:59:00.005-05:00

Is it just my imagination,
or is everybody on the face of the earth
on a diet?

Well, if they're not-
I wish they'd get the
hell out of the Lean Cuisine aisle
and back to the bakery
where they belong.

I mean, it's hard enough
juggling a suitcase-sized purse,
calculator,
calorie guide,
and a grocery cart
with a lop-sided squeaky wheel-
without having to wedge myself
between two gabbing
home room mothers
in order to reach the cabbage.

...Or force myself between
the army of people
selecting their three for a dollar
chicken breast specials...

...Or practically risking my life
by taking the last box of
fat free ice cream in the dairy case...

The grocery store has
become a war zone.
Everybody is fighting mad
about the prices to begin with-
then deny a dieter a Weight Watcher muffin
and see what happens!

I try to be a "get in and get out"
kind of shopper.
But people who have their lives
tuned to slow-motion
have really put the damper on me lately.

They have to squeeze and smell
and hold the fruit.

-Poke and press and paw the veggies.

-Hold a roast in their hands
for ten minutes straight
trying to decide
if it's what they want for dinner.

But I am sending out this warning-
"You don't wanna mess with me."
I can cripple your cart
in two seconds flat
and have you
blubbering over the broccoli
like a soap-opera star gone bad.

I can't help but feel
like I'm running with a herd of buffaloes
every time I enter the WalMart Super Center.
And there just ain't enough
Hostess-100-Calorie-
Chocolate-Creme-Filled-Cakes
to go around.
Believe me.

And another thing that gets my goat-
is fighting for a spot in front of the
frozen food selection
against Miss Anna Rexic
who needs a low fat Panini
like she needs another
rib poking out!
Go plump up on some
Oreo Double Stuff, will ya?

I think I understand why
a lot of dieters try the Nutri-System.
The food comes right to your door-
all prepackaged and measured
and stuff-

So what if its a couple of dried peas
and dehydrated turkey jerky?
At least you're safe at home.

It's a wonder that a gal like me
can even survive this diet process.
Selecting, shopping and
buying the food has turned into
such an extreme sport.

Then you get it home
and it all tastes like
fiber-induced vitamin wafers
or Styrofoam loaded lunch delights.

Good thing I grabbed
the last box of WW muffins!

Every Day Is a Winding Road

2009-03-09T05:50:00.004-05:00

I just want to tell you this morning
that it's a good thing
I don't have to type with my legs
because I wouldn't be blogging today.

Friday I took my first spring walk.

Oh, I was feeling frisky and
up to the challenge.
The air was warm,
the birds were singing,
the time for exercise just seemed right.
I looked down the road
and confidently agreed
I was ready for a stroll.

My son and his girlfriend
-and our dogs in tow-
all set out on the sidewalk
and onto a nice paved bike trail.
Everything was suddenly green
and I lovingly inhaled the fresh air.

I immediately had a
fit and trim feeling-
a sassy kick to my stride-
a smug "Look at me- I'm walking"
silent sort of pride.

"How much further?" I asked,
easily maneuvering the first
block or so.

They laughed.

I couldn't.

I was already winded.

"Could you take the leash?" I pleaded
with my son, handing off my dog to him.
"I can hardly walk myself, much less
this stupid dog," I snapped between breaths.

There they were-
the two of them ahead of me
about ten paces.
Their muscular legs
and firm buttocks
and that
"I could run a marathon" attitude.

"You know," I reminded them-
"I have to be able to get back, too.
Unless you want to run and
get the car, we better turn around."

They laughed.

I couldn't.

Laughing takes air
and my lungs couldn't catch any.

But they pushed me.
Literally.
All the way back to the house
where I wheezed myself
to the couch and became
semi-comatose for the next hour.

My legs hurt today.
My feet still throb a little.

But everything in life
has a beginning and an end.

This was the beginning
of the new me.
The fit and healthy me.
The me with fresh habits.

Who knows?
Someday I might even have that
"I could run a marathon" attitude.

Well....
maybe all the way around the block
at least!

To Thine Ownself Be True

2009-03-06T06:43:00.004-06:00

Sorry if yesterday's post
brought you down.
I think we're all adults here
and realize that a diet
isn't some big party-
that it's a journey
with ups and downs
and occasional stumbles.

But through it all we must
always strive to keep
our identity.
To be who we are-
whether fat or thin.
We must stay true to ourselves
and not try to be someone we aren't.

And stay humble.
If you've lost a few inches
and your best friend hasn't-
don't flaunt it in her face.
Savor it in secret.
But encourage her more.

Losing weight is not
like winning the lottery.
It's not going to bring instant
peace and happiness.
It won't make all our problems
just disappear.

But what it will do
is give us the courage and confidence
to face each morning-
It will give us the ability
to look in the mirror
and know we are the best
we can be.

That we are ourselves.
That our journey was hard.

But finding thin made every other journey
a piece of cake.

Sorry.
A piece of rice cake.

I'm rooting for you.
Even on days when you just don't care.

Just start again tomorrow.
We're all here to pull you
back in line
and help
you reach your goal.

Sometimes You Have Just One Of Those Days

2009-03-05T11:05:00.006-06:00

Don't say "diet" to me today.

Don't watch me with critical eyes
while I measure my cereal and sweeten my tea-
Don't guard the fridge like a big rabid dog
that's suddenly shadowing me.

Don't try to imagine what the numbers might be
As I sneak in to weigh on the scale-
And don't get sick when the full length mirror
has no perfect body to yet unveil.

Don't push the tuna and salad and crap-
Like you're suddenly worried about me.
Don't say diet.
I might start a riot.
For today- just let me be me.

Don't pat me on the back for resisting temptation
as though it's something I'm horrible at-
Don't treat me like a wild
misbehaved child
that sulks on the floor cuz I'm fat.

Don't promise me tomorrows-just give me today-
Don't paint pictures of what I could be.
Please don't mention diet-
I might start a riot-
For today just let me
be me.

Tiny Treats

2009-03-04T09:00:00.002-06:00

No matter how good I try to be-
No matter how much I yearn to look
like a store mannequin-
No matter how often I tell myself
to get a grip-
I still have cravings.

Some people crave the
salty-cheesy-buttery-pretzley stuff.
Others want the starch ridden potatoes
or the huge hunks of grilled meat.

But I crave sweets.

Once upon time (long ago, it seems)-
I could eat away an entire package
of Oreos before Regis and Kathy Lee
let their coffee get cold.

I would treat myself to half a cheesecake
instead of a scoop of ice cream like
most people.
And every Tuesday
the girl at the day-old bakery
always set aside the
Buy Two, Get One Free
Oooey-Gooey Butter cakes
just for me.

But now I know better.
How on earth did I do that?

Anyway- the craving part....

Well, besides the sugar-free
pudding cups
and the smidgen of raisins
I have once in awhile-
I was needing a new sugar fix.

In came Little Debbie to the rescue.
One hundred calorie brownies!
And triple chocolate at that!

I bought a box at the grocery store
and salivated so much on the way home
that I had to change my sweater.

I guess Little Debbie knew me
pretty durn well.
She must have suspected a gal like me
really had no business purchasing
an item that might send me right over
the Diet Cliff and straight back into
the Jumbo Jungle.

So...
the triple chocolate 100 calorie brownies
were about the size of a large band-aid.
Two bites at the most.
Maybe three if you're not hogging it down.

But I discovered that sometimes
that is all it takes.

Just two little bites of sugary sweetness
and I'm back on the Reality Railroad-
steaming full force ahead
into Thin Town.

Hope to see you
when I get there.

Take Time

2009-03-03T06:41:00.005-06:00

Diets are difficult
when mixed with the struggles
of every day living.

Wouldn't it be great to just
go to a Fat Farm and let
them put you through the
obstacle courses
and feed you balanced meals
and be your personal trainer
for six or eight months?

But, no.
None of us are that lucky.

We have to confront such choices
as whether we will sit down
at lunchtime
and eat a nice tuna sandwich,
or run to the bank,
drop off library books,
sort laundry,
clean the shower,
take out the garbage,
balance the checkbook,
and feed the dog instead.

Then- in a ball of stress
and exhaustion,
we reach for the cheese doodles
or the cold pizza.

Life is like that sometimes.
It just comes at you fast.
Sometimes we react
without much thought.

There are some people out there
that think losing weight
is as easy as changing shoes-
that we should just do it
and get it over with.

But I have learned from experience
that you can't lose weight
just by announcing it
to the world.
You cannot shed those pounds
because your husband or mother
or kids are prodding you forward.

Dieting is a spiritual adventure.

Not only do you have to feel it
in your heart,
but your head has to be with the
program, too.
No matter how badly you want to succeed-
if you don't have the proper mindset,
failure looms at every buffet
and potluck and day-old-donut sale.

We dieters have to meditate.
Be aware and on guard.
Tell ourselves the we deserve
to sit down in peace
and eat our tuna sandwich.
Relax.
Unwind.
Get our mindset stabilized.
Treat ourselves to down time.

Then eventually-
one by one-
tackle those every day errands
and responsibilities
that cower over us.

Dieting is not like
changing shoes-

It's like moving the earth.

But every inch counts...
Every second matters...

Each day
is one day closer.

Book Shelf Buys

2009-03-02T05:35:00.005-06:00

I've run across a new book
that may be just what some of
you dieters are looking for.

The title: Eat This, Not That,
is pretty self-explanatory
and is chock-full of
good information about
food choices.
The author is David Zinczenko.
(Go to Amazon.com to search
inside this book.)

This book contains easy
language, color photos,
organized chapters, and more
facts than I can ingest in one sitting.

It's for those of us that are
spending days in the grocery store
trying to figure out what is good for us
and what to steer away from.

For example- (and not to pick on Kellogg),
but if you were to see Smart Start cereal
on the grocery shelf, you might assume
that is is a good choice.
However, David says that:
"Despite Kellogg's loaded health claims
about this cereal, sugar and other sweetener's
show up no fewer than 10 times
on the ingredient list."

And about Sarah Lee Plain Deluxe Bagels,
David claims that:
"This giant wad of bleached flour will
send a sugar load into your bloodstream
so fast that the button might fly right off your jeans."

I like this David guy.
He's done all the legwork for us.
Not only for those wanting to lose weight,
but to help us make better choices
for our children and those who have
health problems such as diabetes
and high blood pressure.

Did you know that canned pineapple
can contain 20 percent moldy fruit?
That is well within the FDA limits.
It also regulates that potato chips
may legally consist of 6 percent
rotten potatoes.

The book provides color pictures
of popular items such as beverages,
breads, fruits, frozen meals, jellies,
beer, and soups.
And it tells you if it's the best choice
or an item you should pass on.

I can't wait to sit down
and actually read this cover to cover.
I spent an hour just looking at the
photos and reading the highlighted facts.

I spent $13 for this paperback at WalMart,
and at first I was afraid my money was wasted.
But I realize that this has given me power
over the manufacturers who try to deceive us
into believing the "all natural, organic,
or heart healthy claims.
Plus, I will gain a bit more knowledge
about the food I bring into my home.

Eat This, Not That Supermarket Survival Guide.

That's my book report for today.

Keep up the good work!
143 days to go!

Another Month Bites The Dust

2009-02-27T07:08:00.004-06:00

February wasn't fabulous.
The scale barely moved.

But now I realize
it's because I rarely moved!

Exercise has to be part of
the formula,
or this diet thing never
adds up.

Eat less.
Move more.

I am definitely eating less.
Went from a lunch that consisted of
two hot dogs with chili and cheese,
a stack of fries
and a shake-
to a pita salad and ice water.

I'm just not moving enough.
I am looking forward to warmer weather
because I enjoy walking
and in the past it was walking
that helped me get into a smaller size.

I always wanted to be really toned
but at my age I wonder if its possible.
Gravity has done it's damage
and unless I get some nip-tuck done,
I'll have to continue covering up.

But hopefully in smaller sized clothing.

Do whatever helps you gain the exercise you need.
Be it palates, tennis, the gym, or treadmill.
Be consistent.
Be bold.
Put time in your daily calendar
to sweat and heave.

February is leaving.
March begins.
Our journey continues.

But remember-
the scale won't move
unless you do.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

2009-02-26T11:20:00.004-06:00

A diet is all about choices.
About selecting the lesser of
two evils.
And about incorporating those
choices into a lifestyle.

Think of food divided into two groups.
The Angels and the Devils.
And then picture a midpoint between them
that is limbo- or neutral.

On the Angel end of the spectrum
there lies- not necessarily the good food-
but food that is good for you,
The fruits and vegetables
and fish and hearty grains.

The Devil side has all the bad stuff-
like greasy pizza and salty chips
and sugar shocking cakes, cookies and pies.
Sodas, starchy foods and butter.

The Neutral point is where we need to be.

Think of it as a teeter totter-
eat too much devil delight and you
get off balance.
Eat too much Angel type food
and you deny your body certain
oils and fats and other nutrients
that it requires to maintain
proper metabolism.

Here's a sample of choices that
you may face at breakfast:
Oatmeal or a donut?

Well, to burn off the oatmeal
you would have to do Tae Bo
for 10 minutes or change bed linens
for 28 minutes.

The donut?
Expect to kick box 20 minutes
or climb hills with a 21-42 pound load
for 27 minutes.

Lunch.
A slice of pepperoni pizza or a side salad?

Choose the salad and you'll need to
kick box only 10 minutes
or coach basketball for 18 minutes.

The pizza on your hips will require
stacking firewood for 59 minutes,
or working in chemistry lab for
238 minutes.

A large order BBQ ribs or 4 oz. salmon?

Ribs: Run 5 mph for 111 minutes
or hop on the tread climber for 185.
Salmon: Ski downhill 19 minutes
or hand-water plants for 27 minutes.

Like dessert?
Make the right choice here and
you'll have less calories to burn.
A slice of turtle cheesecake
will take firefighting by hauling the hoses
on the ground for 52 minutes
or playing basketball for 52 minutes.

A 100 calorie chocolate pudding cup?
Just fight those fires for only 12 minutes
or walk uphill 16 minutes.

It makes you think.

It's like a checking account-
Allow yourself so many calories a day.
Write yourself a check as you use them-
and don't get overdrawn!
That's what causes the fat person
to visit you in the mirror!

Let's quit teeter tottering around.
Let's do the limbo
and live!

Looking Forward

2009-02-25T08:07:00.004-06:00

We all know why we're here.

We are bigger than we want to be.
Our size is an issue.
Maybe even our health is at risk.

Or ultimate goal is to be thin,
eat smarter, and move easier.
In the end, we will have sought
and achieved the vision of the
person we want to become.

But-
As is, us big people are at a disadvantage.
It's true.

Here are 10 things you never have to worry about
If you're thin:

1. You never have to worry if the picnic table will
flip the entire group of party-goers
when you are left sitting at the end of the bench.
(Most guests don't like to have their bbq land in their laps).

2. You never have to avoid glancing in mirrors, wearing
Spandex, or spend days searching for a nice pair of jeans.
Or ever have to be caught yelling, "Let go of my Egg-o!!!".

3. You don't worry about supper. You are happy with
a wedge of lettuce as well as a giant slab of lasagna.
Neither one makes much difference.

4. You never have to count anything ever again.
Not calories, or points, or carbs, or grams.
....Just days until bikini season.

5. You never have to ask these three questions:
"Does my butt look big?" "Is she skinny?"
and "Is this the diet menu?".

6. For Halloween, you never have to dress as
The Great Pumpkin, The Goodyear Blimp,
or The Fat Bastard. (Or all Three Little Pigs).

7. You never have to ask the salesperson if they carry
a large enough size for you.

8. You don't know what spider veins, cellulite,
and thigh-chap is.

9. You don't have to wear men's tee shirts,
grandma's support hose, or your old maternity jeans.

AND, last, but not least....

10. You don't have to read stupid diet blogs!

We are here to move forward-
to look forward to our future.
Our vision must be clear-
our path must be straight.

We must persevere-
fight and push our way
across seas of skinny women, thin girls,
and lean ladies.
(And men.)

But soon, very soon-
we will join them...

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

2009-02-24T05:24:00.000-06:00

I'm not really sure who is in charge
of selecting national holidays
and cool calendar events.

I wish I knew the person
who locks them in
on the national calendar
and decides that these would be
the days for particular celebrations.

So, if you are listening, Mr. Calendar Man-
I've just got this to say:
You're a moron!

Who in their right mind
would make
National Eating Disorders Awareness Week
and National Pancake Week
concur at the same time!?

That's like putting
National Oil Day
and National Vinegar Day together-
Or National Bleach Day
with National Ammonia Day.

Common sense tells you
not to get them anywhere
close to each other.
Jeeeze!

I mean, a person with eating disorders
can be minding their business one day-
thinking-
"Okay-I've got this thing under control-
I'm gonna quit binge eating."...

and then POW!
This huge parade of pancakes
meets them headfirst
on Main Street!

Are you an insensitive jerk, or what?
You know you very well could have put
National Syrup Week
with the pancakes.
Or Maple Tree Day
or Sausage Patty Week.

Good Heavens, Man!
Are you insane?

We are real people here.
We feel pain. We hurt.
We love.
We celebrate.
We try to live a good life
and pay respect to every
noted holiday.

But- no.
This time you've gone too far.

And if putting those two celebrations
together wasn't enough of a slap in the face-
you had to go and make this
Fat Tuesday, too!!!

I've come to realize
one important fact:
Us dieters need
a planet of our very own.

Just Clowning Around

2009-02-23T06:18:00.004-06:00

I'm all for doing research when
confronted with the unknown
or when I begin an activity or project
that that I have questions about.

Just like this weight loss thing.
I've been studying ways
to at least look thinner
until I can actually be thinner.

The experts say that one way
is tricks with makeup.
They claim that eye makeup
can make your eyes appear larger-
thus causing your face
to appear smaller.

And make sure to give your lips
and cheeks some added color
and powder your nose.

Okay.
The bigger your eyes,
the smaller your face.
Got that.

Then the same concept should be used
when choosing a hairstyle.
The more lift and volume to your hair-
the smaller your face seems.

Simple.
Big hair=Smaller face.

Of course we all know the clothing factor
in looking thinner.
White is out.
Vertical stripes instead of horizontal.
Darker color on bottom.
No pleats or big pockets.
Supportive underwear.
No belly tops.

But I do feel that if your
personality is young and vibrant
then your clothing should reflect that.
No use constantly wearing black.
Someone once told me that
if you paint a barn black- it's still gonna be a barn!
So, lighten up.

So, after thorough research,
I instantly tried all the
above hints and tips.

How do I look?

Something Fun

2009-02-20T06:34:00.007-06:00

For me, half the battle of losing weight
is finding ways to make it fun and less mundane.
There's nothing more somber
than a frozen Brussels sprout
or more boring than
a stale rice cake.

Like I always say-
If your food can't be fun,
then something should be!

Short of watching the comedy channel 24/7
or taking in a funny movie at the local theater,
I have discovered a few relatively inexpensive ways
to make your dieting day brighter
and even more efficient.

At Old Will Knot Scales.com
you can purchase this really cool talking scale.
Endorsed as My Weigh FunWeigh
High Capacity Bathroom Scale,
it not only tells you your weight,
but it will joke about it, too.
A little voice will say such things as:
"You're not big boned-You're just fat!"
or "Is somebody on here with you?".
All in addition to saying Hello and Goodbye
when its time to step on or step off.
It has a 400 pound capacity and
sells for a mere $49.90.
(Plus, for those of you with no sense of humor,
it has a shut up switch on the bottom.)

Another treat I personally would like to have is
the "Love Beyond Measure" Heart measuring spoons.
I found a set at hotref.com with a sale price of $3.62.
These are gorgeous little spoons in
stainless steel with sweet saying engraved on each.
These would make wonderful gifts for your dieting friends-
(or even the skinny friends who just like to cook).

At smartshopper.com there is an electronic
grocery list helper that you speak into
and it prints out your list.
It will even print errands that you also need to run.
The lowest model sells for around $50,
but imagine how it might help you to
remember specific items,
keep track of inventory,
and keep you from overspending.
(Just don't say "donuts" into it.)

Check out these websites!

And remember-
Just like I always say-
"If your food can't be fun,
then something should be!"

Have a fun day!

Smash that Camera, Will 'Ya?

2009-02-19T06:23:00.002-06:00

As anyone in my family can attest-
I hate every photograph I've ever been in.

(Well- not counting Halloween photos
when I'm dressed up and have fangs
and a cape is covering my belly bulge).

But even those candid shots of me
slicing the birthday cake
or wrapping Christmas presents
or laughing over a bottle of wine-
can cause me to cringe
with disgust.

Maybe if I didn't have
the double chins,
the spare tire-
the foot-stool bootie
and the upper arm wings-
I might look okay.

So, I did a little exploration
of how to look better in photographs.
This is what I discovered.
Hope it helps you, too.

Julyne of About.com shares her methods:

Secret No. 1: Turn partially sideways to the camera.
Planting one foot in front of the other.
Point your toe to the camera and place your weight on your back foot.

Secret No. 2: Pull head forward slightly to hide any appearance of
a double chin.

Secret No. 3: Hold arms slightly away from your body.
This keeps upper arm flab from flattening out
and therefore appearing flabbier
(much like thighs do when one sits on a couch).

Secret No. 4: Pull shoulders back, chest forward
and gently suck stomach in.
Be careful not to suck stomach so far in that your ribs show,
thereby causing those who later see the photo
to cluck to themselves in a bemused, sing-song voice,
"She's sucking i-in."

Secret No. 5: If you can get away with it without
looking like a model wannabe, try the look away trick.
To do this, look away from the camera,
then turn towards it, breaking into a smile
just before the camera clicks.
Your smile will appear fresh, not frozen.
This trick takes practice behind closed, locked doors.

Julyne also adds that when taking a photo
it's also important the photographer does not
snap the picture from below.
Every camera automatically adds ten pounds
to begin with.
This adds another 20-50 pounds
on top of that.

Wow-wee!!
Better remember that one!

Of course, from personal experience,
I find that hiding behind a couch,
a pillow, or the refrigerator door
helps immensely.
And spinning in circles-around and around-
whenever someone grabs the camera
makes the resulting photo
very blurry and unidentifiable.

But, seriously.
No one other than the very beautiful
or the very thin really like
pictures of themselves.

So- until we all achieve that goal
at the end of our journey-
the best thing to do
is not stress out over picture taking.

It's what's inside that counts.

And someday-
you'll be able to come out
from behind the pillow-
crawl out of the refrigerator-
hop over the couch-
and SMILE!

War (On Fat) Games

2009-02-18T06:15:00.003-06:00

I've been doing all kinds of things
to help me along this weight loss path.
Any method that causes fat to melt away
without killing you
is always a good thing.

I read somewhere that if you
can't afford to attend a gym-
then partake in children' s games
such as hopscotch, jump rope,
hula hoop and Twister.
The physical exertion helps burn calories
while you're having good old fashioned fun.

Well, my hopping turned to shuffling,
my jumping turned to
laying-down-on-the-bed-gasping-for-air,
the hula hoop constantly gravitated to my feet,
and Twister isn't any fun
when you play by yourself.

Every time I'd get Right Foot Blue
or Left Hand Yellow-
I'd have to get up to spin that wacky wheel.

So I kept searching for better ways.

Then a friend suggested replacing my
desk chair with a stability ball.
Supposedly this substitution burns calories
and also helps with posture.

I still for the life of me can't figure
why they call it a stability ball.

The first time I sat on it,
that sucker rolled me across the room
and right out the back door.

Now my posture is screwed up from the body cast.

Then I tried eating off smaller plates.
Now I have fill them up four times.

Maybe I should have used something
a bit larger than that Barbie tea set.

I have even tried belly dancing,
martial arts, and yoga.

Not pretty.

I was still readily open to any helpful
suggestions when I read a magazine article
that said that the color blue
suppresses appetite.
Orange and red seem to increase it.
Thus, Ronald McDonald,
Wendy's, and Pizza Hut.

So, I thought- I can do this.
I can get rid of my yellow kitchen walls,
buy new blue plates,
and change out my red jogging suit
for a blue one.

It didn't work.

I started taking my food to the
other room to eat,
set up a hotplate in my terra-cotta
colored bathroom,
and couldn't find blue paper plates anywhere!

The last straw was when I followed
the advice of a talk show host.
It worked for her.
She said to simply
eat in front of a mirror naked.

That went badly, too.

The manager of Applebee's
threw me out before
I even finished my appetizer!

A Secret Ingredient

2009-02-17T06:12:00.005-06:00

There are many things a person needs
in order to start a successful diet.

Make sure you have a little food scale,
a BIG bathroom scale,
and various booklets on calorie count,
nutrition and fat content.

(It might also help to have something
that could tell you what in the world
you could possibly eat
if the whole world disappeared
except for McDonald's.)

Make sure you have salt and butter
and sugar substitutes,
measuring cups and spoons,
and lots of zip lock baggies full
of prepared veggies.

But-
you guys know all that!
You probably already have
the basics in place.

What I really want
to talk about today is...
Underwear.

Every dieting person in the world
needs to go out immediately
and buy new underwear.
No- don't wait till you can buy
a smaller size.
Don't tell me you're going
to reward yourself later.

Do it now.

Why?
Because there is nothing quite as comforting
and fresh and youthful
as snapping on a cottony brief
that doesn't know you yet.

There's a sense of new beginnings-
pure tranquility...
smooth luxury.
It's like a secret ingredient in life
that makes you just
feel good.

Throw those stretched-out
big-girl bloomers in the trash!
Fling that Cross Your Big Fat Heart
brassiere to to the burn pile.

While you're at it-
buy yourself some nice thick socks.
Some that hug your feet
and make you want to dance.

It doesn't matter if you
weight 200 pounds or
500 pounds-
new underwear will make you feel
sexy, alive,
and ready to take on the world.

After all,
that's what we're here for-
isn't it?

Deja Vu

2009-02-16T05:24:00.004-06:00

Last year at this time I was rushing to WalMart
at several digits over the legal speed limit.
I didn't want to be late or to miss the event!
All Valentine candy was 70 percent off!

I pictured my chrome cart toppling over
with caramel nougats, dark chocolate cherries,
and my favorite creamy truffles.
From this After-The-Event Sale,
I would have enough stash
to last me till Easter.

But this year was different.

I only watch as others pile up their baskets
and scramble past me
to grab the sugar-shocking bargains.

At the checkout lately,
I've been studying the contents
that people put into their carts.
I've grown appalled by the junk food
that some people buy.

Apparently they have no idea
about the calories and fat and sugar
they have chosen.
They are still oblivious to
the way it makes them feel-
or look.

But I can't help but feel the
sadness of familiarity -
of deja vu-
of being the big woman in line
with the cookies and pizza and Pepsi.

That was me.
Less than two months ago.

I may not look any different yet.
If you blur your eyes,
it could still be me standing there.

The big difference between us
is
that I'm making new choices.

I look at their carts
and I want to reach out
and tell them about this trip.
This enlightenment-
the decision to make changes in our lives.
I want to beg them to
check their habits-
summon up their willpower,
know that it's never too late
to do what's best.

Sure, there are still a few things
in the shadows of my cart
that aren't quite perfect.
I still desire certain foods
and struggle with the changes everyday.

So- I ask myself-
who am I?
Who am I to judge- to preach-
to criticize?

How many wasted years did I not listen?

How many times did I hear about
the reality of being overweight and
simply chose to ignore it?

This 200 day journey keeps me alive-
alert- ready to be better.
And all of you- my readers-
keep me balanced- focused-inspired.
Whenever I think about grabbing a sugar snack
or a greasy burger,
the thought of you keeps me grounded.
And out of the candy aisle!

For those of you who haven't
made the commitment yet,
today is the day to start.

It's not too late
to unpack your grocery cart
of all that temporary gratification-
and fill it
with lasting promises.

Just Say No

2009-02-13T07:14:00.005-06:00

Well, it's here.
That mushy, moody,
magenta-marinated day
of love and hugs and kisses.
Of roses and candlelight
and....
Oh!...
I just can't bring myself to say it...
ugh...
CHOCOLATE!

Sorry.
But it's time we faced it head on.

Maybe you aren't like me, though.
Maybe you haven't suffered
chocolate hallucinations
since this journey started.

Maybe looking at a bunch of grapes
doesn't remind you of malted milk balls.
Perhaps the computer mouse doesn't
morph into a Snickers bar once in awhile.
You may not have a muddy pond
outside your window
that sometimes gives the illusion
of being a giant sweet hole
of chocolate milk.

Before this diet
I consumed more chocolate
than Willie Wonka.
It was a daily drug.
A dependency.

I'd spend my money on
a package of Hersey's Kisses
instead of shampoo.

....My hair went dirty for weeks.

I'd buy Milky Way Bars by the dozen
before I'd pay the cable bill.

...I missed the whole season
of Grey's Anatomy.

But, I know this diet journey
is the road to recovery.
Of seeing fruits and vegetables
as the "good guys",
of gradually leading chocolate
out the back door
and kicking him into the gutter.

I've told my husband not to buy
me chocolates or candy
for Valentine's Day.
And I think he'll listen.

Especially after the incident
with the electric company
and the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Happy Valentines Day
to all of you on this 200 day journey
of Finding Thin!
Be strong.
Be firm.
Be the you that you dream.

Today's Top Ten

2009-02-12T04:40:00.001-06:00

I have avoided buying any new clothes lately
because I am hoping that by summer
I will be buying smaller sizes
and more modern styles.
So far the old blue jeans
aren't falling off of me-
but given time-
I anticipate an entire closet of
things I that are too large
and way too dated.

Which brings me to the subject
of my blog today:
The Top Ten Things To Do
With Your Fat Clothes
Once You Are Sure
The Weight Is Gone And
It Will Never Find You Again.
Here goes.
(And remember folks,
I'm poking fun of myself here, too.)

10. Donate your old winter coats to a local chapter of the
Stallion Station and Breeding Management School.
This is a foundation created for horses that
have been rescued and are being rehabilitated.
The volunteers there are always seeking
large sized coats to wrap the horses in during
the winter breeding.
(However, chances are- they'll never score in them either.)

9. This is a great time to upholster your old
sectional sofa. Distressed denim is the new microfiber.
Two or three jeans and a giant needle later-
your furniture will be the envy of the neighborhood.

8. Replace that worn patio umbrella with one
of your soft cotton polos. Scotchgard it for extra
protection in rainy climates and recycle
any buttons to your sewing basket.

7. Donate your old panty hose or tights
to the nearest fruit nursery. Light weight nylon
can be used to cover acres of sensitive shrubs
when frost threatens.

6. Those huge Playtex bras will find a good home
at any psychiatric hospital. A clever snip of the straps
and very light weight protective helmets
can be formed from the remaining wired domes.

5. Your old socks will make excellent doggie sweaters
for larger breeds such as the Great Dane and Mastiff.
And your local animal shelter might ever give you
a nifty canine calendar in return.

4. Got some too-large undies? Not for profit
organizations in Ireland are looking for donations
to retrofit their catapults with watermelon slings.

3. Have you even lost weight in your hands?
Gloves that no longer fit would be a godsend
to a regional dairy farm. Even in today's
modern barns, cows require warm teats
for proper milk emission.

2. The Girl Scouts of America have been
experimenting with innovative ways to
form shelters and tents. That ugly blouse
of yours might look lovely by campfire light.

And, finally-
the Number One thing to do with
your fat clothes:

1. Keep them in your closet as a reminder.
Look at them. Laugh at them. Snub them.
Know without a single doubt that
you will never,
ever,
wear them again.

Shake It, Shake It, Baby!

2009-02-11T06:52:00.003-06:00

There are so many fad diets out there lately
that it's difficult to decide
which one to choose.
Hopefully by now
you have all settled into a routine
that is not only comfortable-
but also affective.

The general basis of any diet
is the moderation of food and
the increase in exercise.
Following a balanced plan-
and being patient for the results
is the smartest thing you can do.

However, I have found a few little things
a person can do
to help ward off the urge to eat
objectionable foodstuff.

It is always a curse to have
cookies and cakes available to any dieter
because we all know that the Willpower Dam
can burst at any given moment
and a flood of calories can be consumed
in your involuntary subconscious state.

But I do like to keep a few treats handy
for when my grand kids visit.
Why should they suffer
just because I am?

Anyway, there have been a few occasions
where they have left a stray donut,
an ounce of crumbled Oreos,
or ten fingers worth of cheese residue
in the bottom of the Cheetos bag.

I have discovered that if you immediately
douse the food in question
with Tabasco,
it will automatically send
a message to your brain telling you
that this food is no longer desirable,
favorable, or attractive.

Shaking on sufficient hot sauce
will work as a miracle deterrent
against accidental consumption.

In fact, yesterday I purchased the
Tabasco with Habanero Peppers
and saturated the last slice
of left-over chocolate cake.

Oh- one very important thing to remember.
Let everyone else in the family know
about the pepper sauce.

My dieting husband's mouth
still burns like Hell...