Not By Chance

As I've mentioned before,
I have been going to Curves
the past few weeks
in hopes that their modern-day
torture machines
will twist my doughy body
into a miracle of nature.

It's really difficult to tell yet
if the sweating, grunting,
screaming and crying
are worth it.

Another week
and they give me
my first report card.

I hope I lose more
than the delusion that I was
in pretty good shape.

But I guess something-
no matter how insignificant-
is better than nothing.

Anyhow...

After walking out the door
of Curves last evening,
I noticed that directly
across the street is
a foot doctor.

A podiatrist.
The sign claims to offer
advanced medical and surgical solutions.
Laser surgery, in office anesthesia,
Bunions. Hammertoes.
Heel Pain. Ingrown Nails.
And Warts.

I wondered for a moment if it
was a coincidence
that my feet have been killing me lately.

Then I realized that this wasn't
just fate that put the foot doctor
right next to Curves.

It was obviously planned.

Just like building Denny's
next to a hotel,
or a surf shop next to the ocean-
or souvenir stores all around
Disney World...

I think it was a mutual
marketing strategy-
You know-
"You rub my foot- I'll rub yours." type of thing.

How c-o-n-v-e-n-i -e- n- t....

Being a new Curves member and all-
I was limping like a three legged dog
out to my car-
feeling like a wind sock
in a hurricane-
wondering if I could will
my newly-found muscles
to drive away- fast.

Then I saw the most outrageous
marketing strategy of all time!

On the other side of doctor's office
is a funeral home!

At least I feel better now.

When the workouts get the best of me-
they can just throw me on a gurney
and wheel me across the street!