Time Out

I might as well just come out and say it.

I'm depressed.

I am sick of the words diet,
calorie, counting, carbs, fat and fiber-
healthy, better, wise and lower.

Maybe I should explain
why I've suddenly plunged
into the depths of despair.

I went shopping yesterday.

It wasn't enough that I had
to choose sizes that I've already
been familiar with for the past few years,
but seeing my reflection in
the dressing room mirror
was enough to make me
want to crawl in a hole-
(a big hole, of course)-
and hide forever.

It made me just want to choke
all those vibrant, smiling
women on TV
who brag how wonderful their
stupid diet shake is,
or how tickled they are to get
meals sent to their home,
or how perfectly jolly their
little group of dieting friends are
when they meet every week.

Diet is 50 percent positive
and 50 percent horrendous.

And today- I am sorry,
but I just can't be Ms. Sunshine.
I just can't skip my way to the fridge
for a diet pudding
or wear a satisfying smile
while munching bean sprouts.

It ain't gonna happen, people.

At least not today.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe tomorrow will be the
happy, happy, joy, joy
part of my diet.
Maybe tomorrow
I'll flash my pearly whites
and declare "I can do it!"

But today, just let me be.

It's just that I realize how this diet has
caused me to just wish my life away.
I am not enjoying each day to the fullest.
I am stressed about the next meal-
the next day- the next weigh-in.
I worry about results, sizes,
and portions.

I want time to hurry up so I can be at my goal.

I want summer to be over so I can
hide in a sweat shirt again.

So, that's it for today folks.

And, please-
don't tell me you don't have days
like this in your life.
It's all a part
of the journey.

It's all a part of growing, learning,
stretching, and living.

Excuse me now.
I've gotta find a big hole somewhere.