Dressing Room Discrimination

I guess I'm going to have to
push my chair away from the
computer,
roll up my sleeves,
and become a fashion designer
for the body-challenged,
middle-aged,
a little-on-the-doughy side
women of the world.

I've been shopping for an outfit
to wear to my nephew's wedding.
Years ago it wasn't a matter of
searching for the clothes-
it was finding the money.

Now I've got the funding,
but all I can find is gorgeous outfits
that only come in single digit sizes,
or horrid, stretchy grandma-gear
that claims to be one size fits most-
which is a big fat lie.

All the new tops make me look pregnant-
the pants make me look like I'm
hiding ten pound bags of potting soil on each thigh,
and the shoes make me look
like a hippo on stilts.

Needless to say,
shopping is a depressing past time
and I've had it up to my double
(Okay... Triple)
chin with this nonsense!!

Here are a few things I'd like
the fashion world to know:

1. Just because it's Plus Size, doesn't
mean it has to be black, elastic, and
printed with flamingos.

2. Use a universal pattern.
I don't want to have to try on
everything from Large to ThreeX.
I want to know my size and enter the
store confidently.

3. Don't ever tell me again that
Jennifer Hudson is a size 6.

4. Segregate the dressing rooms.
I don't want a man, a skinny girl,
or a runway model sharing my
three way mirror.

5. Don't ask the whole freakin' store
to help me find the XXL section.

6. Just because I'm heavy
doesn't mean I don't like sexy underwear,
delicate bras,
and really cool pajamas.

7. Humor me. Like I've said before-
if my food can't be fun, then
something should ne!

8. Look at me like I'm another unique person
that is purchasing clothes-
not a slob with extra cellulite.

9. Don't trick me with
slenderizing mirrors.
Believe me, I know the difference.

10. Help!


Wish me luck.
My search continues.....