Veeta Vita Vegemin

I remember my mom lining all
of us kids up by the fridge
while she measured out teaspoons
of thick, yellow liquid vitamins
so that we would grow up big and strong.

I suppose that vitamins are
a good idea.
Especially for those young picky eaters
that enjoy sweets at every meal
or refuse their daily dose
of healthy vegetables.

I go through phases with my vitamins.
The only time I took them consistently
is when I was pregnant with my children.

Since then, I'll get on a rant
and see a big bottle of healthy-looking
capsules on the store shelf
and promise myself I'll take them
until they're gone.

I couldn't count the number of bottles
I've thrown out that were past their
expiration date-
most a coagulated mass of melted pills
or a dried up powder of unidentifiable
something-or-other.

I'm still waiting for that sci-fi vitamin
shaped like a rocket ship that
makes you feel full and takes the place of
actual food.
If I didn't have to go to the grocery store,
I wouldn't be exposed to all the wonders
of a modern bakery or
all the little goodies they tempt you with
on your weekly food tour.

I could probably save a lot of money.

I purchased a big bottle of calcium tablets
a month or so ago,
promising my son that I would
take them religiously-
calming his fears about a crooked backed mom
with osteoporosis.

I choked on those horse pills
for three days
until I decided to put them away
with the other discarded vitamins
in my crowded medicine cabinet.

In my opinion, vitamins
probably don't work well anyway.
Mom wanted us big and strong.

Big took.
Strong didn't.

But- hey- supplement your diet
if you're not getting proper portions
or a good variety of healthy choices.
It couldn't hurt.

In Diet Land,
anything that helps
is fair game.