Me And My Shadow

Sometimes my weight seems like
a bigger power than me.
Like a burden that
will never cease-
a heavy fog
that will never lift-
a part of me
that can never be detached.

I've spent the past six months
trying to get control-
to overpower the cravings-
the temptations-
the excuses
and the struggles.

And I still have giant
strides to makes
and miles to go
before I am a winner.

Funny thing I've learned is-
Life gets in the way
of a diet.
We don't get the luxury
of a fat farm
or a personal trainer
or a dietitian.

We are left to our own devices.
We still clean house
and pay bills
and raise children
and cook
and sleep
and play
and eat.

We are still responsible
for all that revolves
around us.
And somehow-
sadly-
a diet is always the last thing
on the list-
the first event pushed to
the back burner-
the one thing we
continually procrastinate over
and cry about.

Our minds and hearts
know what's right.
We know how to lose weight-
We know what to eat and not eat-
How to exercise-
Be healthy-

But-
that fat person that lives within us
doesn't really want to leave.
That fat person hangs on
and on
till it gains total control
and it's too late to
remember the
person we were before.

I am sick of her.
This fat me.
The one that clings to my body
like a second skin.
Like a huge shadow
that never leaves.

Yet-
everyday I say I am ready
to wage war
and everyday
I become complacent
and lazy
and forgiving.

We have 17 days.

I'm still not giving up.