Monday, January 5, 2009

Day One

As this journey begins, I try to welcome it without being fearful that it will overpower me- that this simple plan to lose weight will become a war- a huge unrelenting battle that will cause me to fold- to surrender- to retreat once again into the wicked world of Krispy Kreme.

I must look at it all with a sense of humor or I will have giant fits of crying- depression-and days of a Who Am I Kidding? attitude. Diets are not fun. But they can be funny. We must all learn to bend... to laugh at ourselves- even when tears are easier to produce. And we must prevail even when giving up may be less painful.

I have told myself that I must start my journey with hope. And I must stay focused. I can't blur my eyes even for a moment. I can't let the edges between yesterday and today become cloudy- I cannot take the chance of letting my choices become foggy- of making excuses for irrational splurging or chocolate fixes.

The line must be drawn. It must be clear. And all the days ahead must be looked upon as bright.
Like the saying goes- "The first day of the rest of your life..."

I haven't been sleeping well. I have hidden in the comfy folds of thick sleep pants and big shirts for awhile now that I become ashamed and self conscious of exposing skin. At night, my belly lays next to me- like a suckling puppy- and I feel it- pet it- wonder how on earth it ever came to be. And the same with my butt. What a strange evasive creature! I rarely see it- but constantly know it is there. Like a meaty fanny pack that insists on skirmishing with me every time I pull on my jeans.

Sounds gross? Even Sad? Well, I said I was going to keep in focus. Now is not the time for denial. Now is the time to take stock. To quit pretending those thirty or forty extra pounds are only five or ten. Time to stop hiding under the sheets, the tummy tamers, the super slimmers...

It is time to look in the mirror completely naked. Turn around. Bend. Jog a little. Vomit if you have to. Might as well get it over with.

But stay focused. Stay focused.
Do your very best. It is only 200 days of your life. You may not be finished with your journey in 200 days, but at least you will have come a long way. And we will all meet together at the rendezvous point come July.

It's time to pull up our big girl panties and begin.


kelli said...

Amen sister!

sisterlinda said...

The title of your blog "Finding Thin" says it all. I am going to find thin, right along with you, and NOT let it out of my sight! I know I have been on this journey before and I have succeeded...I can do it again...and MAYBE this time for keeps! Just 199 to go.