Thursday, January 22, 2009

Who Cut The Cheese?

"What was that?" my husband asked, peeping over the newspaper, trying to tune his hearing.

"What's what?" I replied, turning another page of my worn paperback, never looking up.

"Thought I heard something- a grunt, maybe. A pop. Do you have popcorn in the microwave?" he asked.

"No." I lied. "It was probably just the dog."

My poor dog. He's gotten a lot of the blame lately. Not only is there no "people food" left on our plates for him since this diet, but he's been my scapegoat.
My body responds to excessive fiber intake by...announcing it's outtake.

In other words, I seem to pass a lot of gas lately.

Broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, beans- I've doubled my dose of them since I started this diet. We know that normal consumption of these foods can reek gastric results, so you can imagine the huge air buscuit that an overdose causes! Whew!

My family loves the Fiber One Bars. Chocolate chip, caramel, and now in strawberry. They are a great snack or quick breakfast choice when you have to eat and run. But at our house we don't call them Fiber Bars.

They are lovingly referred to as "Fart Bars."

In fact, my little grandson loves them, too. I'm just glad I wasn't present in Kroger the day he hollered, "Let's get some Fart bars! Fart Bars, Mom!"

(Yeah. Bad idea. Maybe we shouldn't give food crazy nicknames.)

But, you know what? I don't care. If I have to fart my way through this entire diet- I will do it!
Might as well be honest and unashamed. There's nothing to be embarrassed about...

According to the Internet, everyone has gas and eliminates it by burping or passing it through the rectum. However, many people think they have too much gas when they really have normal amounts. Most people produce about 1 to 4 pints a day and pass gas about 14 times a day.

Fourteen times a Day?! Wow!

Poor dog....


sisterlinda said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Price for gas at the pumps $1.69
Price for gas on a diet....THIN!