If Gluttony Is A Sin- I'm Afraid I'm Goin' South

One secret of a successful diet is the process of clearing out the fridge, cabinets, pantry, freezer,
counters, cabinets, trunk, glove box, lunch box, purse, last years coat pockets, old suitcases, and cookie jars -of all forbidden foods. Believe me, this is not a quick or easy process. It takes devotion and discriminate decisions to lay the groundwork for Day 1.

That is why the beginning of my journey does not start till Monday. My house is full of cookies and cakes and pies and nuts and salamis and alcohol, and candies and cheesy-gooey-goodness. My sister and I have elected ourselves the Official Cleaner-Outers. While we are stuffing ourselves with cheesecake and chips, our husbands taunt and tease us. Do they not understand what a great service we are doing for them? Do they not realize that without us as the virtual "Undesirable" Food Vacuums- that they are doomed to failure come Monday?

One positive aspect of the clearing out process is that you get sick of certain things. You have your fill. You no longer see it as a craving. It is so available and delicious that it soon becomes boring and sickening. (Or at least it seems that way after a four day eating spree)...

But, seriously- the only way to not be tempted is to remove the temptation. Replace bad things with good things. Throw out the Twinkies and buy bagels. Toss out the cookies and buy sweetened rice cakes. Dump the whole milk cheese for 2 per cent. Replace ground beef with turkey, fried chicken for baked, and grilled fish for heavy pasta dishes. Cut out the soda. Drink lots and lots of water...You know how it goes. We all know how it goes. It is just the act of actually doing it that becomes the difficult part of living.

Two years ago I started a diet in January and lost 25 pounds by July. I literally threw away whole pies and froze a pound of good salami. At least frozen it was out of sight and reach. I started looking for ways to replace fattening foods with fiber foods. I counted points. I kept a food diary. I rarely felt hungry. My cravings stopped. I bought fun new clothes. I moved easier.

I don't know what happened. Come fall that year, I ate pumpkin pie and Halloween candy and the whole, huge fat world enclosed me once again. And today, I am still suffocating- I am still a prisoner to a strange fleshy suit - a heavy alien body that keeps me from being the sweet graceful butterfly that I feel inside.

The next few days will be like cramming for an important exam. Already it feels disgusting to feed my face to so much crap. Already I can see myself as a cartoon pig. Already I hate myself for violating my own digestive system. But once it is gone- out of the way- looked upon as a bad experience- the clouds will part. On Monday the sun will shine upon a new day. A new lifestyle. A new beginning.

And in 200 days, my wings will float upon happy perfumed skies again. And I will smile.