Picture Yourself

Some people have asked me lately
why I don't post any pictures of myself
to track my weight loss online.

Well, other than the fact
that I don't want to attract
the unwanted attention of
psycho murdering cyber stalkers
who like chubby women -
the reason is
that everyone has their own
idea of what fat is.

When I was younger and 120 lbs,
I thought I was fat.
My legs didn't even really know
the ripple of lumpy cellulite
or the effects of evil gravity yet.
But I tortured myself
with critical self-doubt
and decided I must do something
to get into shape.

Of course, those were the days
of Susan Powter flexing her
woman muscles
and sweet Olivia Newton John
smiling as she sweat to
"Let's Get Physical".

There were fitness gurus everywhere.
Life was all about a good workout.

I went out and bought
a complete exercise outfit
so that I could stretch and jump
in front of the television
to some upbeat disco hits.

I bought a turquoise blue body suit
that consisted of thin suspenders
and an undershirt.
Beneath that were
thick matching turquoise tights
-and over those-
the loveliest pair of leg warmers
that money could buy.

I quickly got into a daily exercise routine.

For about five days.

Next time I looked in the mirror,
it was twenty years
and fifty pounds later.

So, what you all might consider fat-
may be thin to others.
If I posted a picture of myself and you said,
"OMG what a big woman!"-
then you might look at yourself
and say "I look pretty good next to her."
And you might give up on the diet
and stop reading my blog.

On the other hand, if my picture
made me seem thin to you,
then you might think you are so
much heavier
that no amount of dieting -
or this silly inspiration blog
will ever help you.

However, I am hoping that
at the end of these 200 days,
I can make a progressive video
of this journey as my final entry.
I will post it -whether good or bad.

So- let's not compare.
Not pounds or inches or methods.
Not body suits or gym equipment-
or photos.

Let's just do it.
This crazy beautiful grueling thing
we call a diet.