Today's Top Ten

I have avoided buying any new clothes lately
because I am hoping that by summer
I will be buying smaller sizes
and more modern styles.
So far the old blue jeans
aren't falling off of me-
but given time-
I anticipate an entire closet of
things I that are too large
and way too dated.

Which brings me to the subject
of my blog today:
The Top Ten Things To Do
With Your Fat Clothes
Once You Are Sure
The Weight Is Gone And
It Will Never Find You Again.
Here goes.
(And remember folks,
I'm poking fun of myself here, too.)

10. Donate your old winter coats to a local chapter of the
Stallion Station and Breeding Management School.
This is a foundation created for horses that
have been rescued and are being rehabilitated.
The volunteers there are always seeking
large sized coats to wrap the horses in during
the winter breeding.
(However, chances are- they'll never score in them either.)

9. This is a great time to upholster your old
sectional sofa. Distressed denim is the new microfiber.
Two or three jeans and a giant needle later-
your furniture will be the envy of the neighborhood.

8. Replace that worn patio umbrella with one
of your soft cotton polos. Scotchgard it for extra
protection in rainy climates and recycle
any buttons to your sewing basket.

7. Donate your old panty hose or tights
to the nearest fruit nursery. Light weight nylon
can be used to cover acres of sensitive shrubs
when frost threatens.

6. Those huge Playtex bras will find a good home
at any psychiatric hospital. A clever snip of the straps
and very light weight protective helmets
can be formed from the remaining wired domes.

5. Your old socks will make excellent doggie sweaters
for larger breeds such as the Great Dane and Mastiff.
And your local animal shelter might ever give you
a nifty canine calendar in return.

4. Got some too-large undies? Not for profit
organizations in Ireland are looking for donations
to retrofit their catapults with watermelon slings.

3. Have you even lost weight in your hands?
Gloves that no longer fit would be a godsend
to a regional dairy farm. Even in today's
modern barns, cows require warm teats
for proper milk emission.

2. The Girl Scouts of America have been
experimenting with innovative ways to
form shelters and tents. That ugly blouse
of yours might look lovely by campfire light.

And, finally-
the Number One thing to do with
your fat clothes:

1. Keep them in your closet as a reminder.
Look at them. Laugh at them. Snub them.
Know without a single doubt that
you will never,
ever,
wear them again.