A Secret Ingredient

There are many things a person needs
in order to start a successful diet.

Make sure you have a little food scale,
a BIG bathroom scale,
and various booklets on calorie count,
nutrition and fat content.

(It might also help to have something
that could tell you what in the world
you could possibly eat
if the whole world disappeared
except for McDonald's.)

Make sure you have salt and butter
and sugar substitutes,
measuring cups and spoons,
and lots of zip lock baggies full
of prepared veggies.

But-
you guys know all that!
You probably already have
the basics in place.

What I really want
to talk about today is...
Underwear.

Every dieting person in the world
needs to go out immediately
and buy new underwear.
No- don't wait till you can buy
a smaller size.
Don't tell me you're going
to reward yourself later.

Do it now.

Why?
Because there is nothing quite as comforting
and fresh and youthful
as snapping on a cottony brief
that doesn't know you yet.

There's a sense of new beginnings-
pure tranquility...
smooth luxury.
It's like a secret ingredient in life
that makes you just
feel good.

Throw those stretched-out
big-girl bloomers in the trash!
Fling that Cross Your Big Fat Heart
brassiere to to the burn pile.

While you're at it-
buy yourself some nice thick socks.
Some that hug your feet
and make you want to dance.

It doesn't matter if you
weight 200 pounds or
500 pounds-
new underwear will make you feel
sexy, alive,
and ready to take on the world.

After all,
that's what we're here for-
isn't it?