Stupid Is As Stupid Does

I'm not really sure who is in charge
of selecting national holidays
and cool calendar events.

I wish I knew the person
who locks them in
on the national calendar
and decides that these would be
the days for particular celebrations.

So, if you are listening, Mr. Calendar Man-
I've just got this to say:
You're a moron!

Who in their right mind
would make
National Eating Disorders Awareness Week
and National Pancake Week
concur at the same time!?

That's like putting
National Oil Day
and National Vinegar Day together-
Or National Bleach Day
with National Ammonia Day.

Common sense tells you
not to get them anywhere
close to each other.
Jeeeze!

I mean, a person with eating disorders
can be minding their business one day-
thinking-
"Okay-I've got this thing under control-
I'm gonna quit binge eating."...

and then POW!
This huge parade of pancakes
meets them headfirst
on Main Street!

Are you an insensitive jerk, or what?
You know you very well could have put
National Syrup Week
with the pancakes.
Or Maple Tree Day
or Sausage Patty Week.

Good Heavens, Man!
Are you insane?

We are real people here.
We feel pain. We hurt.
We love.
We celebrate.
We try to live a good life
and pay respect to every
noted holiday.

But- no.
This time you've gone too far.

And if putting those two celebrations
together wasn't enough of a slap in the face-
you had to go and make this
Fat Tuesday, too!!!

I've come to realize
one important fact:
Us dieters need
a planet of our very own.